27 August 2016

once more the Yellow Fiend violates our young caucasian daughters, but now it's in color! / maybe someday Fu in RealD! IMax Fu!

Click to start Western Hemisphere panic stampede

I forgot the Color. Or Colour. Technicolor. Pathecolor, I guess. Eastmancolor. Agfa, I think they made color film too.  I guess there was TohoColor.

But the buzz is that Only Technicolor (the first color process) does not fade in strange odd directions after decades of time. The hoe-down in 7 Brides for 7 Brothers is precisely the same color palette as in 1954.

Not so Agfa or Eastman or Warnercolor. Before Lana Turner has died irl, her Hot Bad Contessa has puked all over the big screen. (Computers can guess very closely and restore attractive color movies, but it's just brainiac's educated guess at the original colors. Every modern "colorizer" of old b&w films is now (a) Dead and (b) writhing eternally in the fires of Hell.)

I think this Christopher Lee Fu series was shot a lot in the Republic of Ireland. If it looks anything like this movie, Go! Go Now! I don't know what that BREXIT Syntho-Panic will do to the Irish Pound. When in doubt about currencies, take (ahem) United States Dollars.

Or, okay, Swiss Francs. If I need to shlep around 22 gazillion zlööties in value, I'll be more than happy to take the suitcase of Swiss Francs. How much is nice restaurant dinner in Berne? (url of menu also nice)

Help! I am trapped 
in the Evil World of
Doctor Fu-Manchu
the Yellow Peril incarnate!

He's oh like 140 years old. He went to Edinburgh (Scotland!) Uni for a doctorate, some other Hot Place for another -- this mid-19th century Wunderkind could get accepted anywhere, any uni, Italian Alps or Himalaya U. You name it, if it makes people sick or fall asleep or dead or obey your every suggestion unto certain Death, Fu has taken two or more semesters of it and got Top Marks each time.

I have seen maybe all 103 Fu Manchu movies and I strongly suspect Fu Manchu has big hetero-oriented life drives and a Lamborghini Libido, the S-3 model. 

Fu digs chicks. Lot of blonde white European young (about uni/college age) attractive girls, and if he has to send Dacoits or Thugees to abduct them in a duffel bag at midnight -- well, sobeit, if that's what Dr. Fu wants, warm up the minibus.

We know he has a 20-ish daughter who is Eviler than Fu himself. Sometimes she slinks her irresistible charms to get stuff done the way Dad likes it, sometimes she is 100 percent For Her Royal Highness the Princess & Her Desires, no matter who gets turned into Mongo Sausage. 

She gets thwarted a lot just when she thinks she can bang & wed Flash, kill Dad, and boil Dale into a stew for the wedding guests. (I think Flash eventually develops sincere feelings for Ming's hot leather whip-wielding dottir. Who among us guys has never fallen hard for the Very Bad Undependable Girl?)

I am not the first guy to suggest that Fu Manchu = Ming the Merciless XXIII, Emperor of Planet Mongo.

Except Ming is not Chinese. Or Japanese. or any authentic Asian human.

Ming -- whomever he boils or violates -- is an imaginary figure, a bad dream captured on celluloid for Saturday kiddie matinees. 

If you tickle him, he does not laugh. If you prick him, he does not bleed. If you poison him, he does not die. He is all moustache -- but he has no real ethnic feelings to hurt, no right to complain to the Human Rights Commission. That's how you're treated if you're a fictional villain. You can inhumanely brutalize and degrade Ming & his Cohorts for as long as the serial runs.

So if Ming or his Bad Daughter or any Bad Mongo Princes get their just deserts at the end of The Last Episode, let Justice prevail! Disembowel them! Hurl her into the erupting volcano! (a central component of the Szyszyntology Mythos). 

For one or two episodes, Flash was banished to stoke the Uranium Furnaces in the palace basement. (No Earth Human can survive beyond 3 days and nights in the Uranium Furnaces. It's Certain Death for Flash!) So any Payback -- well, those Mongonian tusked swine deserve it. And worse! They asked for it. They messed with our women.

Hey, you media guys -- no cell phones, no GoPros in the Justice Room! Turn that thing off now, or I'll take it.


Click to enlarge.
Attention Blue Blaze Irregulars
中文(简体)‎: 外滩沙逊大厦
into English, real quick vite-vite. Priority A-1 
interim transition CEO
Yoyodyne Propulsion Systems
(under new management)

25 August 2016

earth-shattering cotton bedsheet & towel scandal revealed!

Click to examine thread count.

Welspun faces new probe from Bed Bath, shares pressured
By Nandita Bose and Douglas Busvine | CHICAGO/NEW DELHI

U.S. retailer Bed Bath & Beyond (BBBY.O) said it ordered an external audit of textiles from Welspun India (WLSP.NS), putting more pressure on the embattled Indian bedding and towel maker that has seen nearly half its market value wiped out this week.
Welspun has been caught in a maelstrom after U.S. retailing giant Target (TGT.N) last week accused the Indian manufacturer of passing off cheap sheets as premium Egyptian cotton for two years.

Target has said it is severing ties with the company, prompting other Welspun clients including Wal-Mart Stores (WMT.N) and JC Penney (JCP.N) to also probe the manufacturer. 

Welspun shares fell 10 percent at the open on Thursday, and hit the daily lower limit for a fourth day. At Thursday's low, Welspun had a market value of 53.55 billion rupees ($798 million), nearly half the market value it had last Friday.

The stock recovered to trade largely flat by midday on Thursday after Welspun sent a clarification to exchanges reiterating that an external audit of the supply chain has been sought and would be completed in 6-8 weeks. 

Bed Bath & Beyond spokeswoman Leah Drill said the retailer will pursue an investigation and take appropriate action.

The company's announcement came after Wal-Mart, the world's largest retailer, said it is reviewing Welspun's cotton certification records. Department store JC Penney is also conducting an investigation "to ensure the integrity of Welspun's product claims." Macy's (M.N) said on Wednesday it is also monitoring the situation.

Target on Wednesday said it is in the process of taking out all products made by Welspun under the 'Fieldcrest' label, and has already removed 750,000 Fieldcrest bedding products from stores and its website. Those were sold between 2014 and 2016, and Welspun claimed they were made from Egyptian cotton, spokeswoman Molly Snyder said.

Target is offering a refund, in the form of a gift card, to affected customers, who either have a loyalty card or bought the products online.

On Monday, Welspun said it would hire a major accounting firm to review its supply processes.

Some retailers such as Swedish home furnishing giant IKEA AB [IKEA.UL] said they would continue doing business with Welspun while awaiting the outcome of the firm's probe.

(Reporting by Nandita Bose in Chicago and Douglas Busvine in New Delhi, with additional reporting by Sruthi Ramakrishnan in Bengaluru; Editing by Alan Crosby and Ian Geoghegan)
- 30 -

23 August 2016

L'Être et le néant et une fourmi et des pingouins parlant latin et javanais

Une fourmi de dix-huit mètres

Une fourmi de dix-huit mètres
Avec un chapeau sur la tête
Ça n’existe pas ça n’existe pas.

Une fourmi traînant un char
Plein de pingouins et de canards
Ça n’existe pas ça n’existe pas

Une fourmi parlant français
Parlant latin et javanais
Ça n’existe pas ça n’existe pas

Et pourquoi pas !

par Robert Desnos

19 August 2016

PizzaQ! What does this incomprehensible text want from me? / Click Here to be administered a colonoscopy in Sofia / Oriental Fiends from long ago doin stuff to unconscious young white girls

Christopher Lee as Fu Manchu carrying a young 
attractive unconscious Caucasian female. 
 Click for more Evil. (Getty foto.)

bahis siteleri has left a new comment on your [VleeptronZ] post "magma tube connecting Eyjafjallajökull and Katla v...":

Teknolojinin hızla ilerlemesi ile birlikte günümüzde artık bahis severlerin odak noktası olan online bahis sitelerine ulaşmak çok kolay. Oturduğunuz yerden dilediğiniz gibi para yatırma ve para kazanma yöntemleri, Bedava Free Bonus Veren Bahis Siteleri spor alanlarında çeşitlilik ve canlı bahis için çığır açan makul oranlarlabirlikte bu bahis bürosu örnek teşkil etmektedir. Siteye yeni üye olacaksınız ve daha önce bu oyunlar hakkında bilginiz yok. 


Well, Roman alphabet is a nice start, give or take a few diacritical vowels and consonants.

Right away I ain't never seen no Indo-Euro lingo what looked anything like this. So I guess Finno-Ugrik. And more daring than that, I say Turkish. (Or Ajzerbaijani -- they're real close, but the pilot announces proudly and happily to the Turkish passengers: "The plane is falling. The plane is falling ...")

If nobody leaves a comment Yea or Nay, I'll run this incomprehensible text thru a Robot and see what my Silicon Assistants make of it.

But it seems very clear that Somebody Somewhere had Something He/She/It wanted to say or sell to me. (There's a link. Ask me discreetly for it. I make no guarantees that horrible things won't happen if you click it.)

We're talking Levantines here, maybe Lascars. Fu Manchu used to employ Dacoits to do skullduggery. Or perhaps Bulgarians, whose head movements for YES and NO are exactly backwards from the way you and everybody you know head-wiggles to say NO and YES. If you don't know this about Bulgarians, you could get married or a colonoscopy.

If you decode this text from bahis siteleri 1/2 large with Greek string cheese. If you used a TranslatorBot, tell the Ministry of Pizza which one.

13 August 2016

Exactly how are/were these Dukes related? / Kill All Robots / What costume will you wear to Kill All Robots? / robot tried to kill me in Reykjavik / Captain Sweatpants / SQUEEEEEEEEE!

Click to enlarge & multiply force

Click to enlarge

uh oh i think I inadvertently pissed off UK Portia by posting my UK Ducal Question on her FB page.
Have I mentioned that I loathe the FB Time Suck, and hate it when I have to resort to FB (or worse, 140-ASCII Tweet, the preferred text language portal of Donald Trump) because I can find no other route of signaling a human or AI Fuzzy Sentient?

But I still want the answer to my question!

THESE (see e-mail below) guys should

1.) know the answer and

2.) not get all bent out of shape and Unfriend me.

IN GENERAL I am not getting along well or smoothly with our Artificial Intelligence Robot Friends, or the AI-based platforms that claim to help their human masters and friends with all communication and natural-language translation chores.

So far, worst kick in my human testicles (though it could just as easily have happened to humans without testicles):

In Reykjavik I needed money from a sidewalk ATM in heavy cold rain. I know my PIN number as an English alphabetic Word, something like FLOB, so I press [F] [L] [O] [B].

Now I had to figure out which Icelandic Alphabet buttons to press to make the dumb inflexible digital bird-brain give me my own goddam cash. After 35 minutes and pneumonia, the helpful robot merrily spewed króna into my shivering blue hands, and I crawled back to the pub to pay my tab. The pub Humans only took cash, no plastic, but they had kindly directed me to the nearest ATM in the Arctic monsoon.

Above, Magnus, Robot Fighter, of 4000 A.D. North Am (a Human Being, no gimmicks or magical powers -- although clearly he works out a lot) destroys Bad Robots with his bare hands. He also leads and teaches a crew of like-minded teen pals to destroy Bad Robots with their bare hands and Human Wits. (When you karate-chop a robot's head off, it shrieks SKREEEEEEEEE!)

If you were all pumped and spent all your waking time Saving The World, what kind of costume would you wear? (Cost is no object, but if you have the skills, feel free to design and make your own. Artists may send sketches. I would certainly check out the website of Magnus' costume designer.)

REMEMBER: You may be dedicated to Saving The World ... but you are human, you need Love, you hope for a little Intimacy. So show a little skin & musculature. (Worst costume ever: Captain Sweatpants, a comic-book store denizen from "The Big Bang Theory.")

EXTRA CREDIT COMMENT BAIT: What do you think of the new Wonder Woman and her costume? How do you like Harley Quinn? Harley's bf is the new Joker, what up with the new Joker?


Robert Merkin

17 Indian Hollow Road

Chesterfield MA 01012 USA
Almanach de Saxe Gotha

Dear Mesdames and Sirs:

I am a United States native, unschooled and unfamiliar with European royalty and nobility. All I know for certain is that Almanach de Saxe Gotha is the universally acknowledged authority.

I hope you can answer a question regarding UK nobility for me. I could not find the answer in any of the obituaries of the recently deceased

Major-General Gerald Cavendish Grosvenor, 6th Duke of Westminster

What is the specific family relationship between the late

Major-General Gerald Cavendish Grosvenor, 6th Duke of Westminster 


Peregrine Andrew Morny Cavendish, 12th Duke of Devonshire KCVO CBE ?

I will be very grateful for any help you can give to answer my question.


Robert Merkin

10 August 2016

Brayan al-Spambot wins VleeptronZ award for muliple severe bashings & manglings of English idiom & grammar

To my barrister (horsehair wig & all) pal in London & various UK municipalities and sovereign zones:

posted to her FB page. Despite her professional rocket to the top of the UK legal profession, Vleeptron Dude has no actual evidence -- e-mails, fax e.g.) -- that this excellent person can actually Write and Read. (She appears to be an A-Level doctorate in Copy & Paste, chiefly for FB purposes.)


Please help Your Wild Colonial Boy!

What relation is this (late) nobleman:

Major-General Gerald Cavendish Grosvenor, 6th Duke of Westminster

to this nobleman:

Peregrine Andrew Morny Cavendish
12th Duke of Devonshire KCVO CBE

Can't find the answer in any obits of the former.

[PizzaQ! If YOU know the answer, 
Leave A Comment SVP. Extra anchovies!]

And of course you know my wishes for you, and superthanks again for being England's finest tour guide. (Next time we go to William Morris exhibition, you might let me know about your fabric arts skills. [Guild-level petit-point] thought you were bored and just indulging me.)



Brayan Hooll has left a new comment on your post "It's عيد الفطر Eid al-Fitr, and Vleeptron wishes e...":

I enjoyed over read your blog post. Your blog have nice information, I got good ideas from this amazing blog. I am always searching like this type blog post.
wingsio | sesxebi | y8 | gunblood | Happy Wheels

Posted by Brayan Hooll to Vleeptron_Z at Wednesday, 10 August, 2016


Vleeptron Dude is to announcing in advance the flattery advances you not 0.1 mm = 0.003937 inch

stay away from my wife and sister, my family does not flirt with Artificial Intelligence structures.

30 July 2016

TdS●Posta / reissue: die Zauberbana

Click bananas to enlarge.

Copyright © 2005 by Robert Merkin, All Rights Reserved.

... but if you have a strong argument for the Creative Commons model of public access to most of the universe of intellectual property, please Leave A Comment.

Labels: , ,

28 July 2016

Get-Rich-Quick $cheme$!

        "So I got this postcard from my friend and
        it said Let's go to Paris and be writers so
        we won't have to work."
                                                      -- William Faulkner
What does a fellow or girl do who's lazy and self-indulgent and doesn't like to work for a living? The chief trouble with working is Bosses and Alarm Clocks. I don't like getting up early and suddenly in the morning, and I really dislike Bosses.

By the way, did you know that the moment of the week when people have the most heart attacks is Monday morning? My medical advice to everyone is:
Stop Working for Bosses Immediately.
            "Jack's always talkin' about the Workin' Man. The Workin' Man
            wants this. The Workin' Man wants that. You wanna know what
            the Workin' Man wants?  I'll tell ya what the Workin' Man wants.
            He wants to stop workin'."
                                                                -- Eugene O'Neill (Jack Nicholson), "Reds"

Get-Rich-Quick Schemes are extremely important long before they ever make you rich. Daydreaming about the moment you dig up a buried pirate treasure and what you'll do with all the Loot is certainly one of life's great pleasures.

Of course you can't be silly or irresponsible about your get-rich-quick fantasy. It has to be a realistic fantasy; you can't just generically slobber and drool and mutter "Pieces of eight, pieces of eight" all day for years on end. You'll never get anywhere that way.

Here are two realistic get-rich-quick schemes, most of which you can pursue in the privacy of your home computer.
   £   $   ¥   ¢   £   $   ¥   ¢   £

Get-Rich-Quick $cheme No. 1

The Ing Prize

The ancient game Go comes from China and Japan. The rules are very simple, but playing well requires decades of fierce competitive play and intensive study. Most Westerners who play Go are chessplayers who were looking for a new challenge; most players familiar with both games believe Go is more difficult than chess.

Go game in progress. Black made the first move; thereafter Black and White alternately place a stone on one of the 19 x 19 intersections (or a player may pass). Go games typically generate aesthetically beautiful patterns of stones; some players say the beauty of the pattern is more important than winning. Players also take pleasure in the click sound a stone makes when it's placed on the board. (Image believed pilfered from Samarkand.)
In the past twenty years, computers have become superb chessplayers; many $100 boxes play at the Master level and beyond. The special-purpose chess machine Deep Blue, the souped-up child of a grad-school project, Deep Thought, recently defeated the world's best human player, Gary Kasparov. (He was a sore loser, but Deep Blue was a very gracious and sportsthinglike winner.)

During that same period, an enormous amount of work by a lot of very smart people has gone into trying to make computers play Go well.

The latest news -- see the results of the latest Fost Cup tournament below -- is that they're making progress, but still way behind the strength of human Go masters. (Currently there's a big debate on the Newsgroup between "Go programs are making great progress! Victory's just around the corner!" vs. "Hogwash. Go programs are still dopes compared to humans.")

Why this is nobody is quite sure. A lot of the lessons chess programmers learned ought to be applicable to computer Go -- but obviously they aren't.

And Go seems like such a simple game, much simpler than chess. There's only one kind of piece, the stone; and given any intersection (x,y), either there's a black stone there, or a white stone, or nothing at all. There are no dice or elements of chance. There are no hidden things; you always see exactly what your opponent sees, which is all there is to see. A computer ought to eat this kind of situation up with a spoon.

One constraint on your brilliant computer-Go program is Time ... your box not only has to figure out The Right Move, but has to do it within time limits that also apply to its human foe. As it is, one nickname for Go is rotten axe handle, from a legend about a woodsman who paused to watch a fascinating Go game, and when it was over, his brand new axe handle had rotted away. As a spectator sport, we are talking Paint Drying here.


For many years now, a Taiwanese businessman named Mr. Ing Chang-Ki has offered

to the computer Go program which can defeat his designated Human Go Master.


Mr. Ing Chang-Ki

died 27 August 1997 at age 84.
But his Prize is still waiting to be won!

Danny Swarzman, of the San Francisco Goe Club (he keeps spelling it that way, which is fine) reports that the
97 World Computer Go Congress

was held in San Francisco on 21-23 November, and here's what happened after the programs had competed:
Rank  Program           Programmer                Nation
   1  Handtalk          Chen Zhixing              China
   2  Go4++             Michael Reiss             UK
   3  Go Intellect      Ken Chen                  USA
   4  Silver Igo        Naritatsu Yamamoto        Japan
                        (Silver Star Japan)
   5  Many Faces of Go  David Fotland             USA
   6  MODGO             Alfred & Walter Knoephle  Germany
   7  FunGo             Park Yong Goo             Korea
   8  Star of Poland    Janusz Kraszek            Poland
   9  Explorer          Martin Mueller            Austria
. 10  Super Ego         Bruce Wilcox              USA   .

Then "... Handtalk was matched against three human players. Handtalk was allowed to place 11 stones as a handicap. [A huge handicap! Nine stones is the most you get in a human-human game.] Handtalk defeated Lin Ting-Chao, a 13-year-old Taiwanese 2 Dan by three points and Jonathan Wang, an American 6 Dan by 21 points. Hwang Yi-Tsuu, an 11-year-old Taiwanese 4 Dan soundly defeated Handtalk."

Notice that Handtalk was also the winner of the Fost Cup competition in August!

Summing up: An 11-year-old boy prevented the smartest Go program in the world from winning a million bucks. Apparently your Go Monster Revenge Robot has to trash THREE human opponents in a row to establish that victory isn't a fluke.

So. There you are. Simple as that.
If you don't know how to program a computer ...

Well. I really don't know what to say. You have my sympathies.

Imagine spending $1000 or $2000 on a box and only being able to use one percent of its power and potential! Hahahahaha! You ought to be ashamed of yourself ... especially since you can learn to program in QBasic (which they threw in with your DOS/Windows machine for FREE!) with just one night's study!

But if you do know how to program, Get to Work on a Go Program Now!!!


To sample the flavor of the Web community that's trying to write stronger, faster, smarter Go programs and win the million bucks, you might want to subscribe to
the Computer Go Newsgroup

(and I guess type SUBSCRIBE in the subject and body; that ought to do it. They've recently moved from Australia to France.) If you expect to find a lot of people perpetually drooling over what they plan to do with Mr. Ing's Million Bucks, you'll be disappointed; these people are focused big-time! Most of the time I haven't the foggiest notion what they're talking about. (The Greeks, who naturally don't say "It's all Greek to me!" say instead: "It's all Chinese to me!")
But you can sort of intuit through the GeekSpeak that a frighteningly high percentage of these Computer Go correspondents are real smart! Reading their correspondence as they toss ethereal ideas back and forth just sorta makes a feller proud to belong to the same species. (At least I think I belong to the same species.)
Now you're going to need a Go board and a set of stones. You can get 'em cheap. Or expensive. Top-of-the-line Go boards are carved from a single tree grown specially for the purpose, and can cost $50,000. But you can get a more modest board and stones for about $65.

As for books, if you start getting good at Go, eventually there's a problem for English-speakers: About 95 percent of Go literature is written in Asian languages. A math professor friend of mine solved this by living with a Japanese Go master for a year; he now also teaches Japanese. But there are plenty of English Go books to get you beyond beginner.
The Japanese Go Master's Tale

The Japanese Go Master lived with his wife and maybe a kid or two in your basic Japanese apartment/flat, which is like your basic USA linen closet -- essentially one room for eating, sleeping, dancing, playing Go, etc. (Married Japanese men are strongly encouraged to leave home after dinner so they won't be underfoot during the dining-dormitory transition, so the entire husband population goes to Pachinko pinball parlors for two or three evening hours.)
One evening my pal and the Master are chatting, and the Master says, "My wife would really love a small house in the suburbs. But they are so expensive, I cannot afford it." Then he looks at his Go board, which is worth about $50,000. "Now and then I think about maybe selling this board ... naaaaah!"

"Well," my pal explained to me, "marriage is a little different in Japan." 


Here are some Computer Go buzzwords you should become familiar with:
  trees (not the wooden ones, the Platonic Objects)
*   alpha-beta
*   life and death, joseki
*   minimax
*  hashing codes
the Game of Life

Incidentally, there's a theory about computer chess that the best programmers tend to be fairly lousy players -- the idea being that after years of humiliating evidence (often provided by 13-year-old boys with thick glasses and pimples) that you're always going to be a hopeless potzer, something snaps, and you seek Revenge by constructing a Frankenstein Monster Chess Robot that will crush and annihilate all those who made you feel like such a schmuck all those years. I suspect the same is true for computer Go.

I also suspect spending years to become a very fine Go player might even be counterproductive to try for the Ing Prize. Becoming a human Go master is an  intellectual task that requires no knowledge of computers. Writing an ass-kicking computer Go program is an entirely different task, and it's quite possible the less you know about the advanced strategic aspects of Go, the better, because the idea is to make the computer do all the fancy thinking.

The 3rd International
  Fost Cup
... the annual slugfest between the world's best computer Go programs, was held in Nagoya Japan on 27-28 August 1997. (Computer Go isn't an isolated phenomenon; the tournament was part of an important world conference on artificial intelligence.)

Many of the top programs and their creators are old friends to Computer Go Newsgroup subscribers. They may not be posting every one of their trade secrets and magic tricks, but many of them are very generous with their highly interesting and obviously successful ideas. Besides the Ing Prize, there's a Great Deal of Money to be made (mostly in Asia) by writing a strong Go program that can be sold in a handheld machine or as a home computer program -- just like home chess programs and machines.

    So far income from sales in Japan has been much higher
    than the [tournament] prizes. I have one 2nd, and a
    couple of 3rd's in the world.

    But software is a great get-rich scheme. I sent a
    Japanese company my source code on a floppy, they did
    all the work of making a Japanese version and selling
    it, and they send me royalty checks.
    It's like money for nothing.

right right, money for nothing, this is a real underachiever talking, a real hammock & Budweiser sorta guy

    I use the money to buy bigger, faster, computers
    (I have 5 now), and to pay for travel, but not to
    anyplace very interesting yet.

                     -- David Fotland
                        author of "Many Faces of Go"

The new world champ, Chen ZhiXing's Handtalk, walked away from Nagoya with about U$16,500, which is not chopped liver. After beating all its international silicon foes, Handtalk then played an exhibition game against a Human Girl with a 2-kyu (very strong handicap -- lower the number, stronger the player), and squeaked out a one-point win. (The girl had little or no experience playing Go via keyboard, mouse and screen; but then the computer had little or no experience playing little girls.) The judges were impressed with the strength of Handtalk's game and certified Handtalk as 3-kyu -- also not chopped liver, and money in the bank for Handtalk's commercial future. Next year's Fost Cup will be held in Tokyo at the end of August.

 rank  program          programmer          nation
    1  Handtalk         Chen ZhiXing        China
    2  Go Intellect     Ken Chen            USA
    3  Go 4++           Michael Reiss       England
    4  Star of Poland   Janusz Kraszek      Poland
    5  Silver Igo       Naritatsu Yamamoto  Japan
    6  Gogol            Tristan Cazenave    France
    7  Biwako           Masahiro Tanaka     Japan
    8  Aya              Hiroshi Yamashita   Japan
    9  Jimmy            Shi-Jim Yan         Taiwan
   10  Fun Go           Park Yong-Goo       Korea
   11  Stone            Kuo-Yuan Kao        USA
CORRECTION! Fotland's Many Faces finished 11th!
(I just don't know how that changes the other standings.)
.  12  Many Faces of Go    David Fotland     USA   .

Well? What are you waiting for? Start Programming!
   £   $   ¥   ¢   £   $   ¥   ¢   £

      As I walk along the Bois de Boulogne
    With an independent air
    You can see the ladies stare --
    "He must be a millionaire!"
    You can see them sigh and wink an eye
    And to wish that they could die
    For The Man Who Broke the Bank at Monte Carrrrrrrlo!

Merci to Didier K., an actual French guy, for correcting my spelling of Bois de Boulogne.

   £   $   ¥   ¢   £   $   ¥   ¢   £

Get-Rich-Quick $cheme No. 2

The Beale Ciphers
Okay okay in 1817 a guy from Virginia named Thomas J. Beale put together an expedition of about twenty fellow adventurers and went to explore the American wilderness west of the Mississippi. Somewhere in what's now New Mexico they stumbled upon a cave with enormously rich veins of silver and gold. They took it back to St. Louis in wagons, exchanged some of it for more portable precious jewels, then took the treasure to Bedford County, Virginia, and buried it in iron pots in a vault within four miles of Buford's Tavern (whose foundations still exist). They went back West the next year and did it all over again.
Beale wrote three documents in code:
    1. The preci$e location of the trea$ure.
    2. A detailed description of the treasure.
    3. A list of all the expedition members (shareholders in the treasure).

Here's the start of Document 1, just to give you a taste:

44,16,401,39,88,61,304,12,21,24,283,134,92,63,246,486,682,7 ...

Beale used to stay in a hotel in Lynchburg, Virginia, and became friends with the innkeeper. When he went off on another expedition into the wilderness in 1822, he left the three coded documents with the innkeeper. He never returned.

Toward the end of the Civil War, the innkeeper passed the coded documents to a friend, James Beverly Ward, who spent decades, and finally got lucky and inspired and figured out that the key to Document 2 was The Declaration of Independence. Using the Declaration, he decoded Document 2.

If Beale was telling the truth, the buried treasure is worth around

$22,000,000 !!! 

in today's money.

No one has ever decoded Documents 1 and 3 !!! (Not that anyone really cares about 3.)

But the Coded Text -- long lists of numbers -- has been carefully copied and circulated for years. You can get it all at
as well as a lot of other information about the Beale Ciphers and the Treasure!
Slobber. Drool. Well. Here we are again.

Those of you who don't believe this outlandish story; or who can't program a computer; or are sure they can never crack the Beale Ciphers; or who think it's too much of an effort ... well, just Go Away.
                     Hit the road, Jack,
                     and don'tcha come back
                     no more no more no more no more . . .


Now a word about Secret Codes ...

In The Gold Bug, Edgar Alan Poe wrote that any Code one mind could devise, another astute, determined mind could eventually break. Poe was a brilliant pioneer in Cryptography, and computed the tables of most frequently used alphabet letters in English writing. Such tables (different for different languages) remain invaluable in Cryptography to this day.

Poe was Absolutely Right for all the most important secret codes in the world -- things like the Japanese Purple and German Enigma codes of World War II -- well into very recent times. The earliest electronic digital computers were invented in secret to crack these codes, and were so successful that it seemed obvious that powerful Supercomputers would always stay one step ahead of any new secret code. (For more about the fascinating world of Secret Codes, read Kahn's The Codebreakers. It's a book. There's nothing to click on. Go to the bookstore or the library, okay?)

ADDENDA: A more recent book, The Codebreakers, by Simon Singh very vigorously suggests the TRUE value of the Beale Ciphers. Singh says every modern cryptologist, including the British Enigma codebreakers at Bletchley Park, began his/her code education by trying to break the Beale Ciphers. So even if there is no fabulous treasure waiting in Virginia, when the world desperately needs to break a secret code, the legacy of the Beale Ciphers provides the human brainpower. (The Beale Ciphers are mentioned in the recent movie about Turing and Enigma, "The Imitation Game.")

Then in 1978, Things Changed. Using large Prime Numbers, S. Pohlig and M. Hellman invented a type of code called "trap-door" or "one-way encryption," the basis for Public Key Cryptography, which computer communications use today. The best theories are (almost) absolutely certain that the world's most powerful supercomputers will take centuries to break these Large-Prime-Number codes!

But ... Beale made his codes in the early 19th century, and if the methods he used for Document 2 are those he used for Document 1, these are fairly primitive, crude codes. The reason they haven't been broken is that you need to figure out what book or document Beale used as the Key -- the way he used the Declaration of Independence for Document 2.

In modern crypto jargon, such codes are called a "one-time pad." Without knowing the key (book, usually) used to code the message, it's just about impossible to break the code. 

It probably has to be:
  • a standardized document -- that is, something which has almost exactly the same wording and spelling no matter what the edition
  • a widely-circulated, widely owned document in the early 19th century, like the King James Bible.
Oh. I forgot. You'll need to buy a shovel and rent a big truck.

By the way ...

Just what, exactly, will you do with your $1,000,000 Ing Prize,
or your $22,000,000 Beale Treasure?

The Three Stages of
Get-Rich-Quick Fantasy are:
  • Anticipation, Slobbering & Drooling
  • The Magic Touch-the-Money Moment
  • The Spending Spree
Please e-mail me your plans for these Huge Sums of Filthy Lucre. Please don't tell me you're going to invest it all in safe low-yield money-market or mutual funds for your old age. I don't want to hear that. I'll list your more imaginative fantasies, and your name (or not, your call) here.
    David Fotland, who actually has MADE
    money writing Go programs, describes
    his spending spree above.

you people thought this was a joke, right? i will try to get a .wav of Fotland laughing.

Mine involve unimaginably fast English motorcycles (there's a New Triumph!!! I've seen and touched it!), lobsters, and n beautiful, intelligent, friendly, fun-loving young women (where n > 1 ) who like to wear stuff from Frederick's of Hollywood.

Cette page est une copie de http://users.rcn.com/bobmer.javanet/get_rich.htm

26 July 2016

Cos an angry exploding mountain is always right / Someone's in charge and it's definitely Not You / famous last words: VANCOUVER! VANCOUVER! THIS IS IT!

Click image to increase fear & panic

As VleeptronZ's signboard attests, VleeptronZ likes VOLCANOS!!! (and PIRATES!!!)

Here's Japan's Sakurajima volcano. It popped its cork -- as is the habit of volcanos, with little or no warning despite being constantly stalked and observed with million$ of government scientific equipment -- the other day. 

Nothing to worry about, Sakurajima's in a sparsely populated rural area. 30 miles from it is a newly restarted nuclear energy plant.

This photograph, by some uncredited but Daring Photographer Fooleusse or Fool from The Asahi Shimbun, was shot at 3 minutes past local midnight. 

(I am a friend and former colleague and admirer of several top-notch newspaper photographer Fooleusses. To bring Page 1 film back, they will leap over rivulets of lava, dodge assault weapon fire, run into race riots, paddle through a supertsunami, often sneaking under POLICE TAPE DO NOT CROSS , or climbing over chain link fence with barking ferocious Weimaraners on the other side.)

Though there's never a boring show at or near an erupting volcano, always try to arrange your in-person visit at nighttime. You see stuff like this. Only at night can you see the ring of glowing fire around the crater (easily from 20+ miles away).

And only at night can you see the Wild Violent Lightning Show that erupting volcanos put on. I've seen the fire glow ring and the lightning show a few nights running, just from the hotel veranda in my underwear. (No one, local or tourist, has been allowed anywhere near the Soufriére Hills volcano since it blew and scattered half of Montserrat's population across the Atlantic between 1995 and 1999.)

By night and day, you can't miss the earthquakes. A dozen little shakies (temblors) per day on average. The Brit-uniformed schoolkids waiting for the schoolbus barely notice them. It's just Life In New Montserrat.

Shake, Rattle and Roll and Maybe Sudden Death and Evacuation. Listen for police instructions and lots of screaming.

In fact, all the great volcano eruptions of history -- within a decade, more humans come back, rebuild.

Ask the Napoli funzionario di polizia where Vesuvio is, he or she will point to a big mountain looming over the city, and then resume her or his polizia business. Life in New Pompeii.

They return and plant crops. Because after the Mass Death and Fear pass, the volcano has covered a huge area with a deep coating of the most fertile soil on the planet. Volcanic ash. Plants sprout up like Miracles from the Gods.

(Specifically Vulcan, Pluto, those kind of Gods.)

Have you seen one of these Hot Potatoes or Supervolcano Calderas? Were you near Krakatau in '84? (1884). She's long gone, but you can take a boat to see Anak Krakatau -- Daughter Of Krakatau, she's smokin' hot, and tourists have to duck flying hot rocks.

Actually, contrary to Hollywood, most volcano deaths are from the Lahar -- hundreds of people drowned in a sudden flood of mud. Not boiled or baked or blown to death. Your last experience and thought is Mud followed by Death.

But I like the Pyroclastic Flow, or Pyroclastic Event. I saw Soufriere Hills put one on just for me and S.W.M.B.O. We were on a hilltop miles away. But if you're at the foot of an active volcano, and look up and see a Pyroclastic Event begin, you have just enough time to Think Of Mother. 

Gravitational Acceleration + 
Hot Rocks As Big As Cars

Arrivederci Napoli. Hope for Life Everlasting in the Next World, because This World expires in 9.2 seconds. You're toast. 

No, really, you're toast. Crushed toast.

I have long recognized that I have a behavioral issue regarding active and erupting volcanos. But thankfully & helpfully, my health insurance will not pay for a cure.

(I don't even know if there is a cure for this behavioral issue. When you arrive at any Hot Volcano, the parking lot has a dozen or so other sufferers of your affliction, sometimes in polar gear, sometimes in Hawaiian shirts and Bermuda shorts. All with cameras. My first photos of active volcanos were on 35mm silver film.)

They give us those nice bright colors
They give us the greens of summers
Makes you think all the world's a sunny day
I got me a Nikon camera
I love to take a photograph
So mama don't take my Kodachrome away

-- Paul Simon


If you click HERE , a pretty Icelandic girl with a ukulele will sing a song about one of her volcanos.

Eyjafjallajökull slept for a hundred and eighty seven years
And the gods awoke and spew ashes into the atmosphere
Eyjafjallajökull teach us a thing or two
Don't mess with mother nature
Someone's in charge and it's definitely not you

Cancel all your plans and cancel all your flights
Cos an angry exploding mountain is always right
It's always right
It's always right
It's always right

See All 500 Earth's Active Volcanos!

The one they call The Big Rock Candy Mountain, you got to safari and trek through wild animal and armed bandit territory for three days, then back again -- if you come back again. A vulcanologist professor woman has gone down into this unique fizzy crater maybe 20 times. (And brought her camera. And came back. And made a website about her behavioral issue.)

When we approached the mountains south of Reykjavik, I asked the taxi driver if there were was really a mountain Sneffels and a Skartaris volcano, and he got very excited and started pointing up at this and that mountain. 

I was within sight of the Entrance to the Center of the Earth. You can take a taxi and some spelunking gear on the Kalends of July ...

In Sneffels Joculis craterem quem delibat Umbra Scartaris Julii intra calendas descende, Audax viator, et terrestre centrum attinges. Quod feci, Arne Saknussemm.

Descend, bold traveller, into the crater of the jokul of Sneffels, which the shadow of Scartaris touches before the kalends of July, and you will attain the centre of the earth. I did this, Arne Saknussemm.


VleeptronZ pledges to cover all Earth's violently erupting  VOLCANOS!!! As They Explode. Video at 11.