e-letter to young & younger kin & kith

Click image to enlarge / Salam everyone

Mattel's new Hijab Barbie, 

modeled on an Olympic fencing medalist.

Dearest Grand-Nieces and Nephew and Niece-in-Law,

Hmmmm okay I will buy Hijab Barbie for MYSELF and GAC, for reasons both Highly Spiritual and Investment Potential. (But I guess we can check eBay for the current worth of Unwrapped Blaine, Barbie's discontinued Australian surfer Boy Toy.)

I went to a party at McDonald's once, a bunch of single mothers and their daughters, and they were giving the girls all sorts of Barbies. I asked why no one was gifting a single Ken, and a unison chorus of the single mothers replied:

Who needs Ken?

Lord knows what you're getting from Heaven today, but I'm sure the Ski Resorts are delighted with it. It's our First Snow of the season, we got a roaring fire (a Big Treat for all the cats). Only our big polydactyl (lots of extra toes) Stewie (Stewart Wallace Darnley, named for GAC's Uncle Wally -- much of her family is of Scottish descent, and those names are the most famous names in Scottish history. Two of them are Beloved Great Heroes, but Darnley was perhaps the Biggest No-Good Bum and Cad in all history.) Oh, well, Stewie and his Many Toes and Big Feet is the best Snow Hunter in the house, in most kinds of snow he doesn't sink or slide. He listens acutely for vermin wriggling beneath the snow, and slays them very effectively. That's why polydactyl cats succeeded so well and became popular Good Luck cats in New England.

In the naughty screwy movie "Addams Family Values," Debbie the newly hired children's Nanny  is in reality a Monstrous Serial Killer, and as she prepares to execute the Addams Family, explains that her troubles began when, as a little girl, she wanted Ballerina Barbie for Christmas, but her terrible parents gave her MALIBU BARBIE, so she had to ... well, try to guess. Evil Debbie is played by the superfunny Joan Cusack. I think it's rated P for Perverse, but I would say it's Family Friendly. (Remembering that my Family is largely 4-footed, and they like to slay and eat small cute living things.)

I hope this letter pleases all, but I quote from a letter I sent to a Real Duke:

P.S. Please excuse my machine printing, a poor match to your handwritten note. I was apprenticed to a typewriter when I was about 12, and my handwriting just degenerated to illegible from there.

More later,

Unkie Munkie