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25 October 2010

Afghanistan's Karzai seeks treatment for addiction to big bags stuffed with cash

Agence-Vleeptron Presse / A-VP
(newswire, Planet Vleeptron, Earth)
Monday/Bangerday 25 October 2010


Karzai checks into 
rehab for 
cash addiction

KABUL (A-VP) -- The office of the president of Afghanistan announced today that President Hamid Karzai had checked himself into a rehabilitation facility for treatment of an increasingly serious long-standing disorder, his addiction to accepting bags and suitcases stuffed with cash.

To assure Karzai's privacy during treatment, which is expected to last several weeks, the identity or location of the rehabilitation facility will not be disclosed, the presidential spokesman said.

"The problem began more than a decade ago when Mister Karzai assumed the top leadership role in the Northern Alliance," the spokesman explained. "Around that time, agents from several nearby, European and North American governments seeking to topple the Taliban regime began bringing housewarming gifts, usually trashbags stuffed with Euros or US dollars, and Karzai began experiencing growing difficulty refusing the gifts. 

"Mister Karzai thought it would be rude, and the bearers of the cash gifts might be offended or misunderstand his unwillingness to accept large amounts of cash.

"From those small, simple beginnings, President Karzai's addiction to large bags of cash just grew worse and worse," the spokesman explained. "He was surrounded by enablers, and sometimes was offered three or more bags stuffed with cash a day. Things just spiralled out of control. Now he's seeking help with the problem."

An expert in the treatment of Cash Acquisition Syndrome Habituation (CASH) said treatment typically involves sessions with play money or Monopoly money, and the addict is slowly taught how to refuse to accept the cash substitutes. 

Later, the addict progresses to accepting modest amounts of cash, with no strings attached, counting the cash, writing signed and dated receipts, and then giving the money to authorized relief agencies and bona-fide government projects.

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