If Venus is not moving across
the face of the Sun,
click RELOAD.
1st Day Issue
Right-Hand Mitten Postal System
animated wiggle.gif
Transit of Venus 15 June 12
Copyright (c) 2012 Ron Bizer
It's not over till the substantially massive
panetary embodiment of the female principle sings.
Did you forget to set the alarm or just get
beer-drunk or stoned, or just forgot, so you blew off the Transit of Venus last
week?
Sucks to be you, Jack or Jill.
Your next opportunity to witness a Transit of Venus -- when the planet Venus,
appearing as a small black circle, glides sublimely across the face of the Sun
-- will be 11 December 2117. Moiself, I shall be 170 years old when I'm wheeled
to the Big Panasonic Hologram in the Day Room to watch it. If you are still
perky and bouncy and have all your original adult teeth and almost no
accumulated cottage-cheese-like cellulite, and like to text your bff whilst
careening up the Interstate in your bitchin Camarro, you will be a mere 124
years young when you see the Transit of Venus again.
They come in pairs, so if you fuck up and
miss the 2117 show, you get another chance in 2125. Whoever gets a lucky 2nd
Chance at the Transit of Venus will almost certainly be bigtime
incontinent.
Awaiting VleeptronZ on our return home from
a quick AMTRAK adventure to see kin in Silver Spring, Maryland USA, was this
remarkable wiggle.gif commemorative of last week's Transit of Venus, issued
by Right-Hand Mitten Postal System (R-HMPS). The stamp was issued where the
right hand is attached to the wrist (see Figure 2, above). The artist is the
True Authentic Genuine & Talented Professional Visual Artist and U.S. Army
War Veteran Ron Bizer, lifelong buddy of SP5 Joe Schlobdowski. VleeptronZ takes
credit/responsibility/culpability for contaminating him with Mail Art & Faux
Postage.The artist reports:
How’s it going? Basically things are OK here.
The University Lowbrow
Astronomers had a presentation Tuesday at one of the Ann Arbor branch libraries
and a bunch of telescopes set up on a high point in a local park. How cool was
the Transit of Venus event! Chris was worried that we would burn our eyeballs
out but everything was alright.
I’m attaching my Transit of Venus animated
commemorative stamp. Should work in a browser.
Ack! I had to sign up for
Medicare. What’s the world coming to?
Heeding wise astronomical advice not to
spend 48 minutes staring directly at the Sun, we caught a live satellite TV
broadcast from the summit of Mauna Kea extinct (everybody hopes) volcano and its supercallifragialisticexpialidocious
optical telescope as Venus glided magnificently across the disk of the Sun.
The
Mauna Kea show was narrated by three young astronomer nerds dressed in Arctic gear and
homemade knit wool caps -- Hawaii or not, it's fucking-A cold up there on the
summit -- and you never saw Happier Nerds ever. They were shivering, their skins
were turning blue, you couldn't wipe the grins off their faces with
undiluted sulfuric acid.
They were witnessing the Transit of Venus
through one of Earth's newest, most powerful, most remarkably sophisticated
optical telescopes.
And now, thanks to Right-Hand Mitten Post,
you can, too. Over and over again. And you can send cornbread recipes or porn to
your friends and relatives throughout the Five-Planet System using the nifty
wiggle.gif stamp.
So, like, who didn't watch the Transit of
Venus? Raise your hands, stand up, tell us your names, make sure your Mom and
Dad know that you slept through it.
A friend got me a poster of a group of
knuckledragging mouth-breathing trogolodytes of all sizes, ages and genders in bowling shirts, and it
said
WE DIDN'T SEE HALLEY'S COMET
AND WE DON'T CARE
and it graced my office wall for decades.
Because I DID see Halley's Comet -- and spent a gazillion US bucks to get
my butt to the desert near Alice Springs, Australia to see that sucker. (Best
seats on the Planet in a place not on the verge of a violent popular
uprising.)
So if you were sleeping off a cheap domestic beer
(for cheap, try a case of Golden Anniversary) drunk and missed the Transit of Venus ...
You blocks, you
stones, you worse than senseless things!
-- Shakespeare,
"Julius Caesar"
This amazing astonishing
supercallifragialisticexpialidocious once-in-a-lifetime crap in the Heavens is
FREE! All you have to do is set an alarm, dress appropriately, bring binoculars
or a cheap telescope, and stand outside for an hour or so. It's FREE! and
IMPORTANT!
Friend of mine went to a
ritzy private high school in Manhattan, and the algebra teacher was attempting
to cram the Quadratic Formula into 20 nincompoop brains, and he suddenly snapped
and started screaming THIS IS IMPORTANT! YOU HAVE TO KNOW THIS! and young Chris
Noth (now the deservedly famous actor) said, "Mister Kaplowitz, the only thing
we HAVE to do is die." I don't know if Noth ever mastered the Quadratic Formula,
but I don't think he got a high mark in Mr. Kaplowitz's gradebook that
day.
(I know the Quadratic
Formula, and I can Complete the Square all by myself without Googling. Mr.
Kaplowitz was right: This stuff is IMPORTANT!)
But what are all such
gaieties to me
whose thoughts are full of
indices and surds?
x² + 7x +
53
= 11/3
-- Lewis Carroll
(a math(s)
professor)
This is the only poem I know
which must be solved for x.
Recent Transits of
Venus
Date ...... Time UTC .. Something
Else
======================================
1631 Dec 07 05:19 939 "
1639 Dec
04 18:26 524 "
1761 Jun 06 05:19 570 "
1769 Jun
03 22:25 609 "
1874 Dec 09 04:07 830 "
1882 Dec
06 17:06 637 "
2004 Jun 08 08:20 627 "
2012 Jun 06 01:28 553 "
2117 Dec
11 02:48 724 "
2125 Dec 08 16:01 733 "