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02 November 2016

faux needlepoint sampler / 6th cat climbs tall trees, can't climb down / BASIC / Bob wants to Dialogue with Bill & Melinda

Click faux needlepoint sampler
or Zoot Soot to enlarge.

S.W.M.B.O. does hours of work every day in a small wooden outbuilding we call The Studio. The cats love to hang there with her because the joint is loaded with a metric shitload ( = 1.0965 English shitload) of fleece and lambs' wool -- Wool in the Raw, with original fecal bits. They love it.

This was cannibalized from an earlier Vleeptron .bmp faux needlepoint sampler, our new home in the Great Northern Boreal Deciduous Hardwood Forest when we had only 5 cats.

Notice the 6th cat high in a tall tree. He is a loaner, a temporary cat who will only live with us Forever. He is Yoda, and whenever he escapes out the door, he races straight to the top of a tall tree.

And then can't climb down.

For days, in any kind of foul weather, night and day Yoda howls piteously. So that Treed Cat is our beloved Yoda, vet-certified Dumb As Box of Rocks.

Lately S.W.M.B.O. (a past master, well into adulthood, of dollhouse construction and interior decorating; I do the unlicensed electrical wiring of her cool fancy dollhouse because of my academic achievements in electrical engineering, down at the Community College where Jimmy will trade Valuable Things with you in Parking Garage Level 3.

(Name of specific Institute of Lower & Practical Education on request, in a Comment. It's not classified ENTRE NOUS. En clair the piss out of it.)

I was elected to Student Senate on the Atomic Mutant Party ticket; I was born in 1947. The Community College wasn't like the World Cup Olympics of Fun & Bad Judgment like the Theater Department at NYU in da Bronx, but a fellow or a girl or 2 fellows and 3 girls can find Sufficient Monkey Business (Affengesselschaft) down at Rich Suburb Community College.

But the EE lab had some WILD & KRAZY GIZMOS I never even imagined existed.

You're reading this on your way cool Electronic Digital Computer.

At Rich Suburb Community College, I fell unhealthily in love at first jiggle with a vacuum tube/valve ANALOG Computer. Years later I acquired it. (A Heathkit, of course.) Thing has grandma's lamp's ungrounded wall plug, and still lights up like a Christmas Tree. 

And computes the Tides and the Orbits of Planets. And lots of other Big Science Things.

And NO WAITING. Question IN, then instantly ANSWER OUT the other end.

Never doth it say: 

Working ... Working ... Working ... Please Wait ...

(which is important if you need the computer to aim your anti-aircraft guns to shoot down enemy airplanes or cruise missiles.)

Anyway of late S.W.M.B.O. been tarting up the Studio. I made this (top of post) to frame and hang on her wall.

* * *

The motto of my software empire (an old scam to get Free Samples of chips and crap) is

Yankee Magnetic Software

Answering Things 
You Never Even Knew 
.................... Were Questions

(Yankee Magnetic Software shares traded excusively in Bitcoin on Dark Web Exchange [thru broker]. Inquiries: We can have lunch, i know great restaurants.)


but Yankee Magnetic Software made HANOI.EXE which on the color monitor solves Towers of Hanoi game while-u-watch with 3 tower pegs with from 1 (trivial case) to as many as 23 discs. It also sings a hypnotic little ditty ("the tune's me own invention") as it moves each disc to the top of another peg as permitted by the puzzle's simple rules.

It is estimated that, for the Buddhist monks of the temple in  Hanoi to complete the Towers by human hands, at 1 second per disc move, it will take millions of years to complete the Towers of Hanoi (invented in France around 1880) with just a modest number of discs, each disc smaller than the disc below it. 

(After the final disc has been moved to another peg, Time and the Universe will end.)

Fuck that. My pre-owned desktop Cray supercomputer (the liquid nitrogen bills are killing me) can now solve a 23-disc Towers in oh maybe a 3-day vacation, I press RUN, I drive to the beach, drink Rum & Coca Cola, come home et Voila! The Answer! (It runs a lot faster if you just skip the wonderful time-hog color graphics.)

HANOI.EXE is written in the Language which -- as the Sentients who pop the hood on our Voyager Probes (them robot suckers is still sending back data! unglaublich!) -- will quickly realize is that All Brilliant Earthers, who have finally programmed semiautonomous robots and made contact with Another Sentient Community (and sent lots of Mozart & Chuck Berry) program in BASIC, the 

B  eginners
A  ll-purpose
S  ymbolic
 I   nstruction
C  ode

by the Humans (H. sapiens) Who Computerized, largely by Force of Will & Blinding Vision, Dartmouth College in Deliverance Falls, New Hampshire: By college ukase, all students, from art history majors to rich thug boy drunken frat majors, whatever your future path in life, you'll know how to program most digital computers you're likely to encounter

Now YOU control the big expensive weird machine you view porn on. Now it will Dance To Your Tune, if you ask it to custom-tailor you a new suit of faux sharkskin, now YOU can crank out software what will happily design you the soot (or, if the User Gentleman prefers, do it up in Classic Angelino Zoot Soot (shown at top). Software YOU coded in BASIC, functional knowledge of which requires only 1 Night of reading and experimenting with the computer terminal installed in every dorm room at Dartmouth. 

"Learn BASIC now Or Else. 
Obey us and prosper in peace. 
Defy us and flunk out of Dartmouth."

the H. sapiens who invented BASIC and in 1954 shotgunned it at every Dartmouth student were math(s) professors John George Kemeny and Thomas Eugene Kurtz. Kemeny eventually became President of Dartmouth College. Read the damn Wiki.

Who you gonna call when you 
Really Need Correct True Answers? 
Better Call Kemeny!

Laugh all you want, asshole ... but Yankee Magnetic Software's BASIC programs have appeared in Scientific American, YMS games are played with glee by hundreds of users with perhaps serious behavioral issues. YMS' exhaustive every-case BASIC proof of The 7 Bridges of Konigsberg, and YMS' program EasterX to compute any year's Date of Reformed Gregorian Easter Sunday, are on a BASIC Kult Site run by a DE dude.

And that's what the One-Eyed One-Horned Flying Purple People Eater will find when It pops Voyager's hood: exclusively BASIC code. Terran nerds only program in BASIC.

* * *

After several years of supercomputer analysis, NASA has just announced it has decoded the first intelligent message from another civilization. The message says


* * *

I flourished for decades with QuickBasic, a cheap wonderful dialect powerfully improved over Microsoft's Free BASICA. When I last waved farewell to the latest QuickBasic release, that sucker could do BIG RECURSION with ease.

A few years ago Microsoft announced it would cease to recognize or work with or support QuickBasic. 

Instead, all coders should buy MS's glitzy expen$ive VisualBASIC, which blows dead rats, I think or hope it went extinct, Belly Up.

I wish to take the Trailways or Greyhound bus/coach from Massachusetts to Oregon to briefly Dialogue with Bill and/or Melinda Gates, former chief of marketing in Europe for Microsoft. I shall tell these nice people I REALLY want them to re-activate my beloved QuickBASIC.

Right Now would be best.

Also I want Bill's autograph, he sold me my very first BASIC that worked on my Kit-Built 8080 pewter at a price I could afford. Bill saw the future and nobody else saw it as clearly. So he Bought The Future he thought was The Best of All Possible Futures.

Here is some stuff about Young Bill Gates. Some in Urdu, easy Indo-European language. 

But the centerpiece is an ancient typewritten letter from Young Bill demanding his royaltie$ for the software and operating systems he had pioneered to sell to the world's first home computerists. From the first, he made it clear he was not running a Free Charity for CyberUtopians.

Leave a Comment. Laugh at me for my BASIC love. (I also had to learn MACHINE LANGUAGE 0001011110101010 before Bill sold me my first High-Level Lingo!)

Go ahead and laugh while i PEEK and POKE you hundreds of millions of times per minute. I know how.

Leave Comments. Vleeptron Dude has been very lonely without my Artificial Intelligence Code Tool to Instruct My Silicon Friends to Do My Every Bidding.

"Silicon-Based or Carbon-Based, 
all intelligence deserves our respect."

-- Dr. Chandra, creator of HAL 9000

(Heuristically programmed ALgorithmic computer)

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