IRC relapse: Report from Northern Lebanon

Omar Shamshoon
(copyright 200? by Matt Groening)

{batikha} hi
{OmarShamshoon} hi shalom salaam paix paz peace
{MK-f} :P
{MK-f} how are u?
{OmarShamshoon} depressed
{MK-f} bonsoir
{MK-f} why?
{OmarShamshoon} le guerre et le haine
{OmarShamshoon} i was a soldier/un soldat conscriptee in a terrible war long ago
{MK-f} really
{OmarShamshoon} yes really
{OmarShamshoon} i wish i was lying
{MK-f} where in the south of leb?
{OmarShamshoon} no no no no i am an American
{MK-f} ok
{OmarShamshoon} i only kill little yellow Asian Communists in the jungle
{OmarShamshoon} with my typewriter
{MK-f} ok
{OmarShamshoon} i type them to death
{MK-f} ohhh
{OmarShamshoon} we adopted my war from France after they screwed it up
{OmarShamshoon} now i can visit the Vietnam War Memorial in Washington DC and read the names of all my dead friends
{MK-f} do u live in usa now?
{MK-f} ohhhh
{OmarShamshoon} yes, near Boston, where are you?
{MK-f} its terrible
{MK-f} lebanon
{OmarShamshoon} k citte?
{MK-f} what is citte?
{OmarShamshoon} it is my crappy attempt at francais. pardon. what city, beirut, tyre?
{MK-f} cité
{OmarShamshoon} ah merci merci
{MK-f} non north lebanon
{MK-f} im safe a little bit :P
{MK-f} de rien
{OmarShamshoon} i wish you and all those you love safety and a vite-vite end to this silly war
{MK-f} hope and thank u
{MK-f} so kind
{MK-f} how old r u
{OmarShamshoon} it is the Etiquette Book of all old soldiers
{OmarShamshoon} well ... all hair, some teeth
{OmarShamshoon} 59
{MK-f} :D
{MK-f} nice looking
{OmarShamshoon} the most romantic words ever typed on IRC: "You are older than my daddy!"
{MK-f} yes i know
{OmarShamshoon} haha
{OmarShamshoon} btw je m'appele Bob
{MK-f} enchanté
{OmarShamshoon} aussi
{MK-f} et moi c Faten
{OmarShamshoon} bonsoir Faten
{MK-f} bonsoir Bob
{MK-f} bonsoir Bob
{MK-f} :P
{OmarShamshoon} i am sorry about my francais, i studied a Dead Language so I could talk to Dead Romans
{OmarShamshoon} and le Pape
{MK-f} dont mind my english and french languages are poor
{MK-f} :D:D:D
{OmarShamshoon} your English is excellent, certainly far better than my francais
{OmarShamshoon} donnez chocolates au ton Professeur d'Anglais
{MK-f} ok i will be proud about ur note :)
{MK-f} hahaha
{OmarShamshoon} last year i had a little Hope when the Syrian soldiers left Lebanon
{MK-f} tell me about it
{OmarShamshoon} that was not the only problem in the Middle East, but ppl in Lebanon said things got better when Syria went home
{MK-f} yes
{OmarShamshoon} you know stuff from TV and cinema about Old American Vietnam Soldier Hippies?
{MK-f} i know a little
{MK-f} why
{OmarShamshoon} because i also pray that there will be safety for the Bekaa Valley hashish farmers
{MK-f} :D:D:D:D:D
{OmarShamshoon} all American soldiers in Vietnam War smoked pot pot pot
{OmarShamshoon} :-)
{MK-f} hahaha
{MK-f} u r funny u know many things about lebanon
{OmarShamshoon} I am not Israeli, but ppl of Lebanon are my neighbors
{MK-f} yes
{OmarShamshoon} Beirut is the bijou of the Mediterranean
{OmarShamshoon} even now it has the wonderful night life
{MK-f} yes night life in beirut is amazing
{OmarShamshoon} this is how people should be -- happy, dancing, having fun, loving
{MK-f} why are u calling urself OmarShamshoon?
{OmarShamshoon} hahahaha someone told me this is what Arabic translation of Homer Simpson is
{MK-f} hahahaha
{OmarShamshoon} and I did something really stupid on #israel yesterday
* OmarShamshoon says: al-DOH!
{MK-f} what was it
{OmarShamshoon} i try to tell my stupid thing quick
{MK-f} what is
{MK-f} Al-DoH
{OmarShamshoon} someone with nick Alla_Akbur came on channel and only said: weeeeeeee
{OmarShamshoon} then he left
{OmarShamshoon} I typed: Alla_Akbur did not say much
{MK-f} yes
{OmarShamshoon} and the channel Robot kicked and banned me for typing his nick
{OmarShamshoon} Al-DoH!
{MK-f} uffffffff
{OmarShamshoon} so now i am OmarShamshoon
{MK-f} mmmmm ok
{OmarShamshoon} my Arabic ain't too good: Alf Layla iwa Layla
{OmarShamshoon} (my favorite book)
{MK-f} its a worldwide book
{MK-f} did u get this nick from this book?
{OmarShamshoon} oh ... i see ... okay ... whenever Homer Simpson does something Really Stupid, he says: DOH!
{MK-f} :D
{MK-f} do u have arabic roots?:D
{OmarShamshoon} yes! Ibrahim was father of my religion and father of Arabs!
{OmarShamshoon} so we are cousins, i have roots!
{MK-f} loooooool
{MK-f} are u jew
{OmarShamshoon} also i speak a little Hebrew, enough to understand a very little Arabic
{OmarShamshoon} oui, suis Juif
{MK-f} tell me some arabics words u know
{OmarShamshoon} salaam, this is my favorite
{OmarShamshoon} w/salaam this is short for weilekum salaam
{MK-f} yes right
{OmarShamshoon} don't make me embarass myself with my terrible Arabic, i am trying to learn
{OmarShamshoon} but the two languages are nearly identical
{MK-f} why are u intrested in learning arabic ;)
{OmarShamshoon} well
{MK-f} yes they are both semitic languages
{OmarShamshoon} this year
{MK-f} yes
{OmarShamshoon} everyone seems to believe that the smart thing to do is learn LESS about our neighbors
{OmarShamshoon} to make it easier to hate them
{OmarShamshoon} as you can see, i am crazy, i am trying to learn MORE
{MK-f} yes
{MK-f} good for u
{MK-f} :D
{OmarShamshoon} of course only in English, but i really have read every story in Alf Layla
{OmarShamshoon} and i am not the only one who believes it is the greatest work of literature ever written in the world
{MK-f} very nice
{OmarShamshoon} in Iraq, under the ground, hidden, are the lost chapters of the poem about Gilgamesh
{MK-f} what about shakespeare's works?
{MK-f} yesss gilgamesh
{MK-f} the land of uruk
{OmarShamshoon} many of shakespeare's most beautiful plays come from the Italian storybook Decameron and Gestae Romanorum, and guess where these stories were stolen from?
{OmarShamshoon} do you live near the Cedar Forests?
{MK-f} yesss near them..why?
{OmarShamshoon} because Gilgamesh and his friend Enkidu hunted and played in the Cedar Forests
{OmarShamshoon} 6000 years ago
{MK-f} wooow
{MK-f} we have the richest history in the world
{OmarShamshoon} next time you go to the Forest, you will know you are in a Magical Place of our civilization
{OmarShamshoon} yes -- the greatest sailors in the ancient world: Phoenicia!
{MK-f} mmmm
{MK-f} yes
{OmarShamshoon} also Jews were lousy architects, so Solomon / Shlomo had to hire Phoenicians to build his palaces and temple
{MK-f} mmm
{OmarShamshoon} i read too many books, no wonder i get depressed
{OmarShamshoon} USA drops bombs on Iraq and pulverizes the Lost Parts of Gilgamesh, no one can ever read them
{MK-f} this land doesnt deserve what is happenning on it now
{MK-f} yes they destroy the sumerian civilization
{MK-f} many things were lost
{OmarShamshoon} no land deserves, Vietnam did not deserve, Sri Lanka does not deserve, Ireland does not deserve
{MK-f} yes right,,,but am talking in particular
{OmarShamshoon} well ... think a little about the more general ... because every bullet and every bomb and every victim -- at the moment of their death, they cease to be Juif ou Chretien ou Buddhiste ou Hindoo -- they are all suddenly just dust
{OmarShamshoon} all their politics and prejudices become equal
{MK-f} yessss...we are all equal under the ground
{OmarShamshoon} more fun above ground, in the nightlife of Beirut, that is where i want to be equal
{MK-f} lool
{MK-f} have u ever been in beirut?
{OmarShamshoon} no! it is only my Dream Wish!
{OmarShamshoon} i weep to see the TV fotos
{MK-f} :(
{OmarShamshoon} i will tell a story, as short as i can
{MK-f} inshallah you will visit beirut and everyhing will be fine
{MK-f} ok
{OmarShamshoon} first time backpack hippie american tourist went to Amsterdam ...
{OmarShamshoon} i got lost in Middle East Street
{OmarShamshoon} store windows in Arabic, store windows in Hebrew
{OmarShamshoon} i went into restaurant for some felafel, i thought it was Israeli restaurant
{OmarShamshoon} but the guy was Egyptian, Arab, Muslim
{MK-f} yes
{OmarShamshoon} we talked
{OmarShamshoon} he pointed across the street to Hebrew window
{OmarShamshoon} he said
{OmarShamshoon}

"We don't all love each other.
But we all moved to Netherlands,
because here,
our kids don't have to murder each other
every 15 years."

{MK-f} looooooool
{MK-f} too bad
{OmarShamshoon} yes, it is funny, it is sad, it is beautiful, i never forgot what he told me
{MK-f} yes
{OmarShamshoon} thank you for giving me hope about rebuilding Lebanon, i know this will happen
{OmarShamshoon} you can't keep Phoenicians from rebuilding
{MK-f} in general christians and muslims live in peace...but when it comes to jews and muslims..things become different..i am really sad about it
{MK-f} yes
{OmarShamshoon} for 1000 years, from Spain to India, Muslims and Jews lived together in salaam / shalom and respect as neighbors, the mosque and synagog good neighbors across the street, the imam and rabbi smiled to each other in the street
{MK-f} yes
{OmarShamshoon} this hatred is very recent, we have England and France to thank for it
{OmarShamshoon} the Euro Colonials
{OmarShamshoon} now we must clean up the Big Mess England and France left behind
{MK-f} exactly
{OmarShamshoon} well ... old hippie dumb American must go now
{OmarShamshoon} merci for this lovely chat
{OmarShamshoon} i have a blog, you may enjoy it
{OmarShamshoon} http://vleeptronz.blogspot.com
{MK-f} ok
{MK-f} thank you so muc
{MK-f} nice talking to u
{MK-f} wish to see u soon
{OmarShamshoon} last year i posted first 2 Sura of Koran (in English) on blog
{OmarShamshoon} salaam and safety to all you love
{MK-f} thanks