BIG BLACK BEAR BACKYARD NEWS! e-mail to my grandnieces and grandnephew

Dear Ladies & Sir,

I've been a very bad Uncle (I think that's what I am, maybe a Great-Uncle) and I apologize. There isn't much way to get around you and us being so far away except for C****** and me to visit you, which I've always wanted to do.

It's November, and December, January and February follow that. For some mysterious reason, people in New England often get inspired to visit Florida in those months. C****** was born up here and has no greater love for the horrible (but very postcard beautiful) New England winter than I do. So it could happen. Please keep your Sun turned up to Medium Hot, and we won't want to see any Snow.

Because my mom was a Jewish Mother, I Worry. It's hereditary, like wrinkles on peas, and like freckles, and hair color.

When I wrote you about Molly the Single Mother Bear and her cubs, I didn't want to say that I was always worrying about them, but I'm always worrying about them. They shouldn't be my backyard neighbors. They should live far from people in the Deep Woods, because that's the safest place for Molly and her family, and that's the safest place for all the people in my neighborhood.

It's been a long time since I wrote you about Molly and the cubs because I haven't seen them for a long time. Now and then my neighbors say they've seen them, so I know they haven't moved away.

Do you know what a Standard Poodle is? A Standard Poodle is a pretty big dog, a fine hunting dog, and they're not nervous and angry and hyper and always yip-yip-bark-barking like little pink Toy Poodles with painted toenails.

Yesterday, a half-hour before the Sun went down, I was on my kitchen steps, and looked across my little street and saw two huge black Standard Poodles running between my neighbors' houses to cross to my side of the street. They were big, black, and very handsome and healthy looking.

At least I thought they were Standard Poodles at first. But that seemed strange, because Every Dog in my town is ALWAYS on a leash (with a human being on the other end).

So I looked more carefully. They weren't Poodles! They were young bears! Crossing the street, trotting pretty fast, heading my way! In broad daylight!

I screamed into the house: "C*****! Quick! Come outside! Quick!"

And she did. By this time the bears had run between two houses and were in my neighbor's back yard, but we could see them clear as day through the bushes.

And then, across the street, there was a much bigger bear heading after them: It was Molly!

The Bear Family turned and started walking toward our backyard, and C****** got very nervous, about me (because I'm a Fool) and about our cats (because Elmer the big Maine Coon Cat is an Officially Certified Fool). The next-door neighbor's dog, Wilbur, is the biggest Fool of all, and our neighbor Dad rushed around his backyard screaming "Wilbur! Wilbur! Get in the house! Get in the house!" (He had that upset, frustrated tone of a man whose dog never obeys him.) But it turned out all our cats were safely inside. Finally even I decided Molly and her two Big Cubs were getting too close for comfort, so I let C****** push me into the kitchen. But we could see Molly make some groaning bear command noises and nudge her cubs into the woods in the middle of our block, and then they all disappeared.

All three of them looked so healthy and alert and Fat and Sassy -- obviously they're all doing just fine in the Lots To Eat Department.

So, even with my usual Worry Cloud about them, I am thrilled to report that Molly the Single Mother Bear and her two cubs are doing Just Wonderfully!

The whole wonderful treat lasted less than two minutes. Molly knows my (foolish) next-door neighbors keep a bird feeder in their backyard full of delicious birdseed, so she lingered there to snoop around and show the cubs where the Snack Bar is. But I think the excited screams from C****** and me and Wilbur and Wilbur's owner had spooked Molly, so she stopped looking for easy snacks and took her cubs and they all vanished like big black ghosts.

She has a superb instinct to keep herself and her cubs away from people. This sighting in the sunshine was very rare, because usually you only see them around dawn and around sundown. (They roam around trying to get lucky with dumpsters or trash cans, and of course all the bird feeders in the neighborhood.)

I think Molly found the woods in the middle of our block about five years ago by accident, in an emergency, and ran into it to hide from people. And discovered that it was a safe place to hide from people all day. No adult ever goes in there, and by now all the little kids have been told to keep out of those woods.

But she likes it a lot, it's surrounded by lots of Free Snacks, and she decided to raise her family here. All my worrying and wishing hasn't made her pack up and leave.

I know the big bear is female, because big males don't stay with their families (the bums). But I can't tell if the two cubs are male or female or both. These kinds of bears are usually born in January, so they were probably ten months old, still letting Mom teach them the safety ropes, still letting Mom boss them around. When they stop obeying her, she'll kick them out of the woods and make them find places of their own, like she did with big Todd the Teenager.

I've called these new cubs Tony and Marc, but like I said, one or both of them might have been girls. So if you want to suggest one or two Girl Names, that's what I'll call them.

I think if Molly knew I was always worrying about her and her cubs, she'd tell me not to worry so much. She really is an excellent big black Ghost whom you almost never see, and she knows every sneaky hidden path from woods to woods for miles around.

Just so Bob the City Boy wouldn't tell you anything stupid or wrong about Molly and her kids, I found this excellent website about our Massachusetts bears so now you'll know everything I know about them.

One more nice bear story.

Three years ago when I went to visit the world's greatest beekeeper at Warm Colors Apiary, he was very upset about the big Sweet-Tooth bear that was always sneaking into his beehives from the riverbank and ripping them up to get at his tons of the world's most delicious wildflower honey. (I think I sent you guys some, and those animal beeswax candles, too.) He tried electric fences and strings of noisy tin cans, everything he could think of, but Sweet Tooth kept sneaking in and ripping up his hives.

A few months ago we went to visit, and I asked him about his bear troubles.

He's not upset about the bear anymore. He and the bear finally learned to get along. The bear still steals his honey, but not too much.

But the bear's made the apiary his personal territory, and keeps other bear honey thieves away. So the beekeeper and Sweet Tooth are friends and neighbors now. (But I don't think the bees and the bear ever became friends.)

Well, this has been Much Too Long, but I hope you've enjoyed our Backyard Black Bear News. I hope all you kids, and Mom and Dad, and cats and dogs, and the golf course Alligators, are all fine and happy.

This isn't Molly -- I didn't have a chance to run in and get the camera -- but these are her cousins, from a wonderful Bear Park called Clark's Trading Post, in New Hampshire. For 50 years, Clark's has adopted all the orphan bear cubs in the mountains, and given them a wonderful, loving home. If you're ever driving up there and see the sign, start screaming: "We want to see the bears! We want to see the bears!" (That's what C****** screamed at me; her parents had taken her and her sisters there when she was your age.)

Your (Great?-) Uncle Bob, and Love from Aunt C***** too!