partially decrypted bumper stickers and t-shirt messages

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The boffins at Yankee Magnetic Software had some fun running the bumper sticker jumble puzzle proggie and looking for all the times that the string "BUSH" or "IMPEACH" just accidentally, spontaneously came up. If you're worried that your neighbors are too fucking dumb to decode your message while they try to kiss your rear bumper at 65 miles an hour or stare at your breasts on the sidewalk, you might want one of these.

BUSH is 4 letters long and IMPEACH is 7 letters long, so the odds were pretty good that BUSH would pop up pretty often, and the odds looked grim -- zilch in all the runs I tried today -- that IMPEACH would pop up.

If I was a little better at Combinatorics (buy some aspirin, take the class), I could predict roughly how long it would take the program to spew out any specific string n letters long, but I suck at Combinatorics.

For example, if you're waiting for the computer to accidentally spew out IMPEACH, some fairly simple arithmetic could tell you if you should keep parking your ass in front of the computer, or if you can take a pee, or watch Oprah, or cook dinner, or pick up some Asian takeaway/takeout, or take a trip to Philadelphia. (I like to write programs that require several days or a week to finish running.) I just let it run for about 10 minutes, and IMPEACH never came up. I suspect it would take hours, maybe more than a day.

(If you comprehend the arcane math branch Combinatorics -- well, Leave A Comment.)

Technically this kind of jumble code is called a Simple Substitution Code. If you used a Trap Door or Large Prime Pair code or One-Way Encryption code, people would have to stare at your breasts for decades before they figured out what you were trying to tell them.

In theory, if I used a One-Time-Pad code, they'd never be able to decrypt the message unless they had the same One-Time-Pad I used to encrypt the Plain Text.

So if you use a One-Time-Pad code, it's not about politics, it's entirely about wanting people to stare at your breasts or follow your rear bumper down the highway for hours.

In the previous post, maybe you thought I was getting a little too enthusiastic about the prospect of Impeachment after January. Or maybe you just thought I was on LSD or tequila. (Mel Gibson had been drinking tequila the evening the Jewish police officer pulled him over, and has since added that he has a fondness for another pleasant Mexican beverage, mescal.)

Actually as tomorrow's election approaches, Republicans and Bush Fans are quite anxious and freaked out about the prospect. On Undernet channel #FascistRightWingNutJob , they're jabbering worriedly about the leftmost wing of Congressional Democrats. Nancy Pelosi, who will probably become the next Speaker of the House (and the first woman to hold that gig), has publicly stated that the I-word is "not on the table" when the Democrats take over. And she'll be the Gatekeeper to block or permit Impeachment hearings to begin in the House Judiciary Committee.

Interesting little Constitutional nuance here, if I understand it correctly. Please Leave A Comment if you can illuminate it further.

If the Senate retains a Republican majority, the Senate still can't Refuse to hold a Trial if the House sends them a Bill of Indictment. All the Republican Senators can do is vote Not Guilty when the Trial ends.

(Several Republican Senators, terrified of angry vengeance from their own voters, voted Not Guilty at the end of the Presidential Lying About Fellatio Trial. Possibly several Married Republican Gentlemen Senators tried to imagine what they would have said to Mrs. Senator when photos of Vivika and the Senator hugging and smiling started appearing on the front page. Is this a moment for The Whole Truth? Will Good Things certainly follow if you tell Mrs. Senator Nothing But The Truth? Leave A Comment.)

But if the House testimony is smarmy and shocking enough, if there are several Smoking Guns among the subpoenaed documents, some Republican Senators may say "Fuck this shit" and vote to convict anyway. If Republicans retain control of the Senate after Tuesday, their margin of majority will be very slim, and it will only take a handful of Republican mavericks to defy party discipline and make the Senate verdict Guilty.

Regardless of how warm and patriotic a Republican Senator feels toward his Commander in Chief, before the final vote of an impeachment trial, the Senator has to go home and listen to his neighbors = voters. If enough of them are screaming to order a guillotine from France, they'll vote the way that will most likely get them re-elected. So in that sense, ultimately the verdict will be up to the (loudest) people. A Senator must stand for re-election every 6 years, one-third of the races every 2 years.

If the White House is smart, Wednesday is when they should start shredding documents and re-formating hard disks.

Okay, here are the bumper stickers and t-shirt messages with little Hints & Clues in them, courtesy of the nice folks at Yankee Magnetic Software:

0995 EIHBUSH MPAC
1549 PIMCHAB USHE
1746 IAPMBUS HEHC
3054 BUSHACI HMPE
3451 AMBUSHE CHIP
4424 BUSHCEM AHPI
5046 EACIMPB USHH
6404 PEMHCBU SHAI
7055 BUSHCAI EMPH
8560 EBUSHCH IMPA
9587 MHIBUSH PCEA
9612 MHABUSH EICP
9658 HEMCAPB USHI