Officials of the US-led Coalition Provisional Authority (CPA) do the mess-around with huge amounts of ca$h sent straight from the US Treasury to Iraq to jump-start the moribund Iraqi economy. (Photo filched from The Village Voice, newspaper, New York City USA.)
I don't use my e-mail client's automated Spam filter, because these Dumb Silicon Helpers tend to make real e-mail that I wanted to read vanish into the 11th Dimension (it is now generally believed that there are 11 dimensions; if Nobel Prize physicists aren't laughing, you shouldn't either).
And also I like to know who's out there and what they want to say to me or offer me.
Regularly they offer me 3 inches / 7.5 cm longer penis length, Viagra, women, narcotics, and they want to inform me that they have detected suspicious activity on my Wells Fargo Bank account or my eBay account, so to safeguard my account please respond to this message with my name, address, DOB and Social Security Number.
And they want to offer me Fabulous Wealth!!!
They have heard, from halfway around the planet, that I am a trustworthy, reliable, discreet and clever fellow -- just the kind of guy they need to partner with to manage to get $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ safely out of Meltdownistan to the good old United States of America.
I got this one today, and I like it.
For one thing, he's a US Army sergeant, and I'm a US Army vet! We're brothers! He wouldn't fuck me, and I'd never fuck him, because we wore green clothes.
As for this strange story about all this cash lying around in Iraq waiting to be shoved into a duffel bag and flown back to the States on a military transport plane -- is it credible?
From Wikipedia's article on Paul Bremer, the Bush-appointed civilian czar of the US-led Coalition Provisional Authority (CPA) after the US-led military invasion and occupation of Iraq:
Criticism and controversies
Failure to perform month-end cash reconciliations
Under Bremer’s stewardship the CPA requested U$12,000,000,000 in cash from the US treasury. Under Bremer’s stewardship the CPA paid out U$12,000,000,000 in cash. The external auditors management notes point out that the CPA didn’t perform a cash reconciliation until April 2004, eleven months into Bremer's mandate, when they started their work.
Failure to employ qualified internal auditors
In his second regulation, Paul Bremer committed the Coalition Provisional Authority to hire a reputable firm of certified chartered accountants, to serve as internal auditors, to help make sure the Coalition's finances were administered according to modern accounting principles. These internal auditors would be separate and distinct from the external auditors who would report to the International Advisory and Monitoring Board. Paul Bremer did not honour this essential commitment. He did not make sure the CPA hired internal auditors.
When the external auditors arrived they learned that Bremer had not made sure the CPA lived up to the commitment to hire internal auditors to help set up a reliable accounting system. On the contrary they learned that a single contracted consultant kept track of the CPA’s expenditures in a series of spreadsheets.
The external auditors reported that rather than use a modern double-entry accounting system the CPA used what they described as “a single-entry, cash based, transaction list”.
On January 30, 2005, an official report by the Special Inspector General for Iraq Reconstruction, Stuart Bowen, cited by Time, stated that U$9,000,000,000 for the reconstruction of Iraq might have disappeared in frauds, corruption and other misbehavior. On one particular salary register, only 602 names among 8206 could be verified. As another cited example, the Coalition Authority authorized Iraqi officials to postpone declaring the reception of U$2,500,000,000 , which the provisional government had received in spring through the Oil for Food program.
Bremer wrote an eight-page reply to deny the accusations and stated that, during the IG's inquiry, Bowen's people refused to interview Bremer's deputies, and the IG's report failed to mention that Bremer and his people worked under extraordinary conditions, faced a high turnover rate, and had insufficient number of personnel to carry out their rebuilding and humanitarian relief efforts.
Bremer's claim that Bowen's staff made no attempt to interview his staff is at odds with the detailed account of the external auditors, of their attempts to meet with Bremer and his staff. In their management notes they describe how some of the CPA's senior staff, including Bremer himself, just would not make themselves available to meet with the auditors. Others, like George Wolfe, the CPA's de facto treasurer, showed a total lack of cooperation.
As head of the CPA, Bremer bears the overall responsibility for the CPA's hiring policies that led to his staff being dangerously inexperienced and unable to provide the oversight necessary to protect the funds they were administering.[improper synthesis?]
This issue also became a topic of discussion during some of Bremer's Q&A sessions with students who attended Bremer's presentations during Bremer's campus speaking tours. Some questioned Bremer if he could have done things differently in Iraq, but were notably disappointed when Paul Bremer avoided answering the question. Bremer allegedly responded to one such question with “ I will tell you what I told them, I'm saving that for my book... I need more time to reflect.”
In February 2007, Bremer defended the way he spent billions of dollars in Iraqi funds after the U.S. invasion. In a prepared testimony he said that he did the best he could to kickstart the Iraqi economy, "which was flat on its back."
A picky person who thinks he's Herr Kommissar Berlach or Sherlock Holmes might wonder why Sarge is using an e-mail address from the Peoples Republic of China, or why the automatic message at the bottom es en espan~ol.
Well look -- he can't use his Army e-mail account, the US military censors are reading all those outgoing e-mails from soldiers and Marines to make sure nobody sends THIS WAR SUX AND IS INSANE BRING ME HOME NOW!!!
And the Surge has a long way to go before the Sarge can wander down to Internet Cafe Baghdad and e-mail me from there.
Anyway, you know the Vleeptron drill: If you and Sarge make a deal and you get the $$$$$$$$$, you owe me a Finder's Fee of a whomp-ass fancy lobster dinner somewhere.
----- Original Message -----
From: sgt. javis reeves
Sent: 9/23/2007 10:51:26 AM
Subject: CAN I TRUST YOU?.
I hope my email meets you well. I am in need of your assistance. My name is Sgt. Jarvis Reeves Jr. I am a military attache with the Engineering unit here in Ba'qubah Iraq for the united state, we have about $25 Million dollars [ U$25,000,000 ] that we want to move out of the country.
My partners and I need a good partner someone we can trust to actualize this venture.The money is from oil proceeds and legal.But we are moving it through diplomatic means to your house directly or a safe and secured location of your choice using diplomatic courier services.
But can we trust you? Once the funds get to you, you take your 25% out and keep our own 75%. Your own part of this deal is to find a safe place where the funds can be sent to. Our own part is sending it to you.
If you are interested reply to Email: firstname.lastname@example.org
I will furnish you with more details.
Awaiting your urgent response.
Sgt. Jarvis Reeves .
* * *
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