Search This Blog

02 February 2008

I finally bought the world's stupidest chess set! Wheeeee!

This thing has been staring at me and whispering "Buy Me, Bob!" and been gathering dust on a bottom shelf at the Stop & Shop for three years now. Nobody wants this piece of crap.

If you love chess, you would never buy a chess set like this, and every chessplayer on Earth would laugh at you and call you a schmuck and an asshole.

If you love baseball ... well, uhhh, you don't know how to play chess and would never spend money on a chess set anyway. You would use the $30 to buy Budweiser or Miller.


But my birthday's almost here and I saw it again and this time I just broke down and spent the money. S.W.M.B.O. said that was sweet and told me to display it in my weird office.

I went to college in the Bronx and to get to school from Manhattan rode the elevated subway past Yankee Stadium. They put a gap in the stadium wall so subway riders passing by can see the field for about six seconds. One evening I was riding back to school and looked through the gap straight at The Pope, who was standing on 2nd base and conducting a prayer. He looked straight back at me. The Knights of Columbus, a Catholic fraternal organization, own Yankee Stadium, so I guess they gave the Pope a discount to use it that night.

I don't know why but I have the feeling that if I try to play chess with this piece of crap, the games will just be really crappy. These jerks don't know how to play chess. I captured your catcher! Your manager's in check! You touched your pitcher! Now you have to move him!


No comments: