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18 March 2008

Tag, Zip, Lex, Bud & Biff -- they're all now available for military service!

Publicke Notice

The Editorial Board of Agence-Vleeptron Presse would like to point out that now that Mitt Romney has dropped out of the race for the Republican presidential nomination, his five sons -- Tag, Boop, Vorky, Schmoo and Winky -- are all now available to join the United States military and help defeat terrorism in Asia. Or Latin America. Or Africa. Or Antarctica.

The crowds in Iowa went wild when Mitt Romney explained that his five sons had chosen more important service to America by "helping me get elected."

Mitt never served in uniform either. There was a war on then, too.


The Associated Press (US newswire)
8 August 2007

Sons Serve Country

By Campaigning

Presidential Hopeful Defends His Five Sons' Lack Of Military Service

BETTENDORF, Iowa -- Republican presidential hopeful Mitt Romney on Wednesday defended his five sons' decision not to enlist in the military, saying they're showing their support for the country by "helping me get elected."

Romney, who did not serve in Vietnam due to his Mormon missionary work and a high draft lottery number, was asked the question by an anti-war activist after a speech in which he called for "a surge of support" for U.S. forces in Iraq.

Romney, the former Massachusetts governor, also saluted a uniformed soldier in the crowd and called for donations to military support organizations. Last week, he donated $25,000 to seven such organizations.

"The good news is that we have a volunteer Army and that's the way we're going to keep it," Romney told some 200 people gathered in an abbey near the Mississippi River that had been converted into a hotel. "My sons are all adults and they've made decisions about their careers and they've chosen not to serve in the military and active duty and I respect their decision in that regard."

He added: "One of the ways my sons are showing support for our nation is helping me get elected because they think I'd be a great president."

Romney's five sons range in age from 37 to 26 and have worked as real estate developers, sports marketers and advertising executives. They are now actively campaigning for their father and have a "Five Brothers" blog on Romney's campaign Web site ...

[on CBS-TV website that carried this AP story]


Jim Olson said...

Yeah...good luck with that.

Vleeptron Dude said...

I really think it's prematurely unfair of you to assume that Bobo, Latchy, Rod, Fleezy & Schmoo aren't enlisting in the US military AS WE SPEAK.

Oh, one of 'em's running for Congress. Don't know which one, I can never tell them apart.

Jim Olson said...

I will bet you a steak dinner at Morton's or the Oak Room that not one of Mitt's sons will ever wear a uniform of the United States military.

The Well-Adjusted, Self-Actualised, Heterosexual five are simply not the type to stoop that low.


Jim Olson said...

Oh, here you go. The Interactive Guide to Who's Who in the Romney Family, courtesy of The Boston Globe...bottom right hand corner.

Vleeptron Dude said...

Do you have compelling or certain evidence that Zorch, Fly, Narf, Lippy and Soosh are heterosexual? Don't just make up accusations. And if nobody asks and they don't tell, they can serve honorably in uniform regardless of their sexual orientation.

You try coming out in Salt Lake City sometime.

Wow! Totally thanks for the Boston Globe interactive photo! I had that Christmas card with a b c d e and was hoping somebody'd solve that one, but this is a different photo and all the brothers are so Whitebread & Velveeta it's going to be difficult to figure out which is which, but I'll get appropriate magnification and do the best I can.

See all those little grandkids? This would be a cool time to place bets in Las Vegas on whether any of them eventually enlist or, if the draft comes back, don't dodge it.

I just read the biography of Mitt's dad, George Romney, and Lo and Behold! That sucker never served in uniform either! Slid right through World War 2 doing critical war work as a Detroit automobile executive! 3 generations of Americans in civvies during wartime! That is SO COOL!

Vleeptron Dude said...

Don't know why, but I feel suddenly inspired to tell the story of detective novelist -- probably the only one in history who really WAS a detective (about 15 years as a Pinkerton) -- Dashiell Hammett ("The Maltese Falcon," "The Thin Man," "The Dain Curse" <-- my fave).

Hammett served in combat in France in the Army during World War One.

Then, after Pearl Harbor, he somehow managed to make the Army doctors overlook decades of raging alcoholism, tuberculosis, and Old Age, and joined the Army again! Served for the duration as an old sergeant running an Army newspaper in Alaska. (And outraged his longtime squeeze Lillian Hellman.)

Vleeptron Dude said...

The day after World War 2, W.C. Fields, John Barrymore, and another ancient, decrepit drinking buddy showed up at the Recruiting Office and tried to get in. The recruiting sergeant looked at them and said, "Who sent you, the enemy?"

(citation: "W.C. Fields, His Follies and Fortunes," a wonderful book full of Fields' lifetime of bizarre lies and outrageous fantasies, which won the Pulitzer Prize for non-fiction ... though perhaps that might have been the wrong category.)

Vleeptron Dude said...


The day after Pearl Harbor ...