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31 August 2016

ach weg / FLEE FOR YOUR LIVES!!! / when will Katla blow? / prepare to meet thy doom / Vleeptron tried to warn you

Click to enlarge.

I know this woman who was arrested, jailed, tried and fined Real Money for taking 1 copy of her town's daily newspaper out of a sidewalk Honor Box without putting coins in first.

Agence-Vleeptron Presse acknowledges that this post is the Virtual Equivalent of that Crime. So I hope the Virtual Cops are taking a Virtual Coffee Break or taking a Virtual piss today.

But A-VP and the Vleeptron Galactic Emergency Management Ministry (VGEMM) couldn't wait for our e-mail request to reach the Iceland Monitor, be routed to the proper employee, translated into Icelandic, considered, translated back to English, then maybe granted permission. This is a real emergency.

Katla is about to blow. On the verge. A fart, sneeze and hiccup away from The Big One.

Vleeptron has WARNED you all about Katla and her possibly coming-soon-to-your-planet catastrophic activities. It's not Vleeptron's fault if you just skipped to another post, or clicked on for the latest tidbits.

If you're vaporized within the next week or so, don't say Vleeptron didn't warn you. We gave you the name of the volcano, told you where it was, the size of the likely coming-soon eruption.

You thought Vleeptron was larking, making the little joke, le jeu petite. Hahahahaha.

1. Sit. Thrust head forcefully between knees.

2. Kiss your ass goodbye.

3. (optional): Think of Mom.

Well, anyway, my stolen Page 1 from today's Iceland Monitor Honor Box says it's starting. First came the Famous Ruinous Eyjafjallajökukll Event, remember that?

A few days ago, Earthquakes in Katla's neighborhood. Like the first knocks at the Door of Global Doom.

Well, if you don't mind reading it from a virtually filched sidewalk tourist throwaway, here's what's coming. Remember: You read it on Vleeptron first.

(I've never eaten the Whale Steak. For 1 hour, I was Iceland's Least Wanted, details on request. I love this place. They got strict laws against digging or disturbing or developing known Elf & Gnome places.)

Big photos below are horizontally compressed; click to make awesome.


PatFromCH said...

Experience Iceland from above, says the ad...well, when that bugger goes off I reckon they will be forced to close shop for a while....
And some airlines give you miles, they give you time – so I reckon !
And depending on where the wind blows this might be a very interesting fall for us Europeans, for a few days or weesk at least.....

Vleeptron Dude said...

aha you remember the Eyjafjallajökukll Event!

... cancel all your plans and
cancel all your flights
'cause an angry exploding mountain
is always right
is always right ...

But historically -- and Islanders been keeping very careful Volcano Eruption records since about 900 AD -- Eyjafjallajökukll is just the little puppy brother of KATLA, and Eyjafjallajökukll usually or always seems to be followed by an epic hot poison earth-shattering barf by KATLA.

Vleeptron doesn't want to give anybody Wrong Ideas or False Hope, but this is the moment to consider the state-of-the-art leading-edge Eruption Prevention Procedure: Tossing a virgin down into KATLA's bubbling, shaking crater. It's 2016, and virgin-flinging is still the most effective eruption-stopping technique known to volcano science.

(And Islander virgins might consider ... well, Vleeptron doesn't want to give Youth any naughty ideas.)

Alps aren't volcanos, I don't think. They're just Up-Thrusted mountains from the slow but inexorable northward push of a tectonic plate.

My mountains, the Appalachians, are the world's shortest mountain range -- because they're the world's oldest mountain range, so they've had the most time to be eroded.

We get itty-bitty earthquakes which most people don't even notice until they watch the nightly TV news and learn they had an earthquake that afternoon.

Don't let Katla distract you from Santorini, which has been twerking lately. When Santorini decides to pop ...

Vleeptron Dude said...


If Al Gore was right and Global Warming is really happening (Americans who don't believe in Global Warming should vote Republican and Trump) ...

Most of Island's Big Volcanos are buried under big glaciers. For about 1100 years everybody just took this for granted, they hardly ever even mentioned it, the big glaciers were barely an asterisk.

But now (if Al was right), glaciers all over the world are melting. At an alarming rate.

Forever, the glaciers have been a very effective cork stopper on top of the big volcanos, preventing all but the most violent pent-up eruptions. Glaciers weigh a metric shitload and make great volcano plugs.

But Forever is coming to a rapid end. When the glaciers melt ...

btw, the above does not require Global Warming to be Humans' Fault. Global Warming could be caused by termite and cow farts, not by Exxon-Mobil or Royal Dutch Petroleum or BP.

Scoff all you want, but Al Gore got a Nobel Prize for making a movie about Global Warming, and at the Nobel party he got to dance with Uma Thurman.

Vleeptron Dude said...

Agence-Vleeptron Presse has emphasized HORSES in the phrase "Icelandic horses" because Islanders get insulted and pissed off if you talk about "Icelandic ponies." These neolithic shaggy quadrupeds are HORSES, not ponies. You can go trail-riding on rental Icelandic horses.

In related Island volcano news, you can take a taxi from Reykjavik to see the entrance to the Center Of The Earth. Enter, intrepid traveller, if you dare. (Bring rope and glo-sticks.)