03 July 2016
Burned on the Fourth of July! / damn the evil Commies who shut down Macau firecracker industry! / ka-BOOM! / poppitypoppitypop!
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Suitable for t-shirt or framing
Tomorrow marks the 241st anniversary of The Shot Heard Round The World -- the eruption of firearms violence that quickly blossomed into the American Revolutionary War (which We Won, so we don't sing God Save the King/Queen anymore, as Canadians still do at hockey games).
Nobody knows who fired the shot, which British soldier or which Massachusetts militia Minute Man. Nobody's even sure where the shot was fired, the Lexington Massachusetts Chamber of Commerce says it was in Lexington, the nearby Concord Chamber of Commerce says it was in Concord.
But for the next 8 years, a vast swath of North America mostly east of the Appalachian Mountains was filled with little and big gunpowder explosions, so ever since We Won, we celebrate the start of the Revolution with little and big gunpowder explosions. The neighbors have already begun frightening the shit out of our cats, and this will continue, night and day, until they run out of the cheap fireworks they bought in the neighboring state of New Hampshire.
All non-homemade fireworks used to be manufactured in the Portuguese colony of Macau. But the colonial lease finally expired, the Peoples Repubic of China took back Macau, and immediately ended the ancient and beautiful Gunpowder Cheap Firecracker & Whiz Rockets Industry. Now Macau has shifted to a more beautiful, honorable and sustainable industry, big gambling casinos.
The beautiful labels of Macau firecrackers are now valuable collectibles. They are Chinese artists' dreams of worlds they had never seen -- America mainly. But also dreams of China in Lunar New Year Festival time. Dreams of topless Mermaids. Dreams of Chicago gangsters and great Baseball Players. Dreams of Winged Giant Gorillas.
China invented gunpowder. All little boys, many little girls, and many adult drunken men and women thank China for this wonderful gift. Yesterday in New York City's Central Park, a male tourist from Virginia seems to have blown off one of his legs with a homemade gunpowder device. More typical hobbyists are missing one or two fingers. All over the USA this is an exciting week in hospital Emergency Rooms.