I'm too lazy to hunt down where you can buy this thing, but it's out there and for sale, just in time for Christmas. It's the Flying Spaghetti Monster Christmas Tree Ornament!You can have your Christmas Tree, and also celebrate an extremely popular alternative Theory of Creation.
When S.W.M.B.O. isn't at home during Yuletide, I like to play my CD "Bummed Out Christmas," which includes the John Prine classic, "Christmas in Prison." Everybody grab your harmonica and sing!
Christmas in Prison
It was christmas in prison
And the food was real good
We had turkey and pistols
Carved out of wood
And I dream of her always
Even when I dont dream
Her names on my tongue
And her bloods in my stream.
Chorus:
Wait awhile eternity
Old mother natures got nothing on me
Come to me
Run to me
Come to me, now
Were rolling
My sweetheart
Were flowing
By god!
She reminds me of a chess game
With someone I admire
Or a picnic in the rain
After a prairie fire
Her heart is as big
As this whole goddamn jail
And shes sweeter than saccharine
At a drug store sale.
Chorus:
The search light in the big yard
Swings round with the gun
And spotlights the snowflakes
Like the dust in the sun
Its christmas in prison
Therell be music tonight
Ill probably get homesick
I love you. goodnight.
10 comments:
Oh this post touched my heart in so many ways :)
Okay, I'm a huge fan of the FSM, to the point of contemplating the purchase of one of those FSM decals in the spirit of Jesus fishes. Nothing says creation like a big bowl of spaghetti and meatballs...mmmm...
Second, you might be happy to know that the song Christmas in Prison is played on Yahoo Launchcast over the holidays! I heard it last year when I was tired of hearing the "usual" Christmas songs over and over and over ad nauseum. I hum it to myself sometimes, starting about mid-July. Also enjoy the random Jeff Foxworthy/Blue Collar Comedy Tour inspired songs. My children will be so warped.
Anyhoo...why is S.W.M.B.O. away during your Yultide festivities? Or maybe I'm reading that wrong...
i just mean when she's momentarily away long enough for me to take her John Denver & the Muppets Christmas CD out of the player and put on Bummed Out Christmas. She has Much Shopping to do during Yuletide.
Early in our marriage i really had a desperate urge to grab my backpack and see a pal in Berlin, and then hang around in Amsterdam, and she said that would be fine, have a fun time -- as long as I swore to be back in time for Christmas.
Let me know if you have any trouble tracking down the FSM ornament, I'll try to find a link.
Well here is a link. Some people even knit them themselves :)
http://www.nifnaks.com/creations-shop/christmas/flying-spaghetti-monster-tree-ornament/detailed-product-flyer.html
you can also have a tree topper but that one is a bit pricey
All I want for chrissie is that FSM fishbone shirt :) (and a good book an paleoanthropology)
I'd happily go with you to Berlin for Christmas this year, Bob. I hate the commercial crap, and I think I have Darrick convinced that we don't need to put up the Christmas tree or do any shopping this year. I'm not being Grinchy, just don't feel like participating except maybe to go to midnight service on Christmas Eve someplace with incense and latin.
I think you are Trauming about a Mitteleuropa Christmas without materialism, without commercialism, a Martin Luther Christmas with Stille Nacht and O Tannenbaum.
Perhaps our Man-on-the-Ground in Helvetia can tell you how realistic a fantasy of The True Geist von Noel in the deutschespraching regions is. But I am here and he is there and it is not for me to Burst Your Bubble. Good luck.
Meanwhile, stop trying to destroy the USA economy, which is already in enough trouble. one-third of all retail sales take place in the runup to Christmas, and if we don't move enough of these hi-def flat-panel plasma TVs, we are mega-fucked. Already a very bad early warning: Sales of $4 coffee at Starbucks are way down nationwide.
I know of a lovely monastery near Bern, Switzerland that welcomes guests for the week of Christmas. You have to apply a year in advance, and I am sure that they would even welcome one of God's chosen people. A high school friend of mine lives there now, and three times a year, when he is permitted to do so, I get a letter from him.
No commercialism. No tacky decorations. Not so much talking. Simple meals, while lessons are read to you from various sources such as the Patristic Fathers, or various martyrologies or hagiographies. Much prayer, a little work (they make cheese and a style of port wine) to support themselves, and a few other visitors and pilgrims to fulfill the obligation of hospitality, particularly around Christmas.
An advent wreath, and one small sprig of evergreen around the base of a large candle. Paraments and vestments appropriate to the season of Advent, until Christmas Eve when the colours are switched to pure white.
I hope to go some day. They are Cistercians...Trappists of the Strict Observance. Darrick approves...thinks a time of retreat would be good for me some day.
Shall we go?
Hi Jim which monstry do you mean ? One of my mates did something like this after he had a nervous breakdown. One week without talking, just contemplating.
Chrissie in Europe is about as commercialized as it is in the USA, TV ads, shop displays, catalogues, decorated streets and houses, the Freie Strasse in Basel and the Bahnhofstrasse are famous for the street decorations. And it is getting crazier every year, i have spotted the first signs of chrissie season just now and it is only mid-November !
Even though i am an Atheist i must say that what is goning on here has nothing more to do with the true spirit of Chrissie, to have a good time and see your familiy and mates, show them that you love them, have a good meal and chill for a few days, and think about the events of last year and what could be going on the next one
Hey, can I come with you guys ????? Escape From Christmas, yeah ! A bit of solitude and contemplation while the others are shopping themselves into ignorance would do me good. We could have a few interesting debates on Philosophy and Theology :) (And I finally would get to meet Bob)
Even I and my friend thought of escaping the Christmas this year by going for a vacation. Well, we don't really want to miss Christmas. We just want to experience in some other country with different locales and traditions. But since we have not planned it in time we don't think we can make it out.
Quite effective info, thanks so much for the post.
I totally match with everything you've written.
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