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02 May 2009

new gyroscope policy on Vleeptron, Hoon & Yobbo

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They're fun & educational!

Children's Protective
Welfare Services
of Vleeptron, Hoon & Yobbo
"using police powers to interfere
with your parenting for 109 years"
CPWS/VHY Bulletin No. 8229-11
The Children's Protective Welfare Services of Vleeptron, Hoon & Yobbo (CPWS/VHY) announces the following new policy to enforce Decree 31 of the Vleeptron High Non-Junk Science Council (VHN-JSC).
Effective immediately, all households containing any child between the ages of 1.8 and 19.4 must possess a minimum of 1 working gyroscope.
Children found to be in a household with no gyroscope(s) will be immediately removed from the household and placed in a foster home or institution that possesses gyroscopes. Such child or children will not be returned to their parent(s) or guardian(s) until the parent/guardian demonstrate that they have purchased and possess a gyroscope, or until the child has reached the age of 19.5.
VHN-JSC Decree 31 states in part:
"A child deprived of recreation and experimentation with a gyroscope is doomed to a life of ignorance and misery."
This new policy also requires that the household possess a stand or bottom platform for the spinning gyroscope, and string of minimum length 30.5 centimeters = 12 inches for the gyroscope to balance upon.
VHN-JSC has authorized CPWS/VHY to conduct random, warrantless household gyroscope inspections of all households with children between the hours of 07.00 and 20.00, between the weekdays Bratwurst and Bangerday.
Each Household Gyroscope Inspection Team (HGIT) will be accompanied by an armed police officer to remove the child/children if no gyroscope is found in the household.
Gyroscopes are inexpensive and may be purchased, at toy stores or through Internet suppliers, for as little as 38 znrq.
Residents of the Poortown section of Ciudad Vleeptron who apply and qualify for financial assistance will be issued a coupon redeemable for 1 plain gyroscope. The coupon may also be used as partial payment for a fancy gyroscope, the parent paying the remainder of the cost of the fancy gyroscope.
This policy reflects the recent decision of the VHN-JSC to reject the appeal of the Shoelace Worshippers and the Dwingeloo Society of the 5 or 6 Moons, whose religions forbid gyroscopes.
Parents with questions regarding the new gyroscope regulations may telephone the CPWS/VHY Gyro Hotline at (22431)-009-9191.
Maria D. Pribble

Senior Welfare & Protection Administrator
Central Administration Office
Ciudad Vleeptron

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