schnappsQ: Lenny + Spike's Zero-Friktion Thrill Park on Planet Hoon
Okay, you know I don't like to talk much about Planet Hoon. It has some absolutely spectacular and really cheap ethnic food (I love the vèëéèèëéèèëéè) and some of the nastiest goddam music clubs in the whole Dwingeloo-2 Galaxy.
But the fact is, Hoon makes me sort of uncomfortable, and I don't like to visit it very often. (Unless there's a really great music act there which is banned from playing on Vleeptron because of the Youth Music High Standards & Morals Act).
Hoon sort of doesn't have very many Laws or Rules. It's a Wild and Free sort of planet, like the USA used to be, and like Tallin is.
So it's hardly surprising that my backpacking Youth Acquaintances from Earth, Lenny and Spike, ended up on Hoon.
I just got an e-mail from the boys. Somehow they hooked up with AaaaaaahnDrayUh, one of the student deejays at WOZQ-FM who is on an extended sabbatical from her studies at the new Engineering Department of Smith College, down the road from my house in Northampton. Like her new buds Lenny & Spike, she found the Zeta Beam somehow and ended up on Hoon. She's sort of sweet on Spike, but when Spike isn't around, Lenny will do. Sometimes they're all around.
Like most WOZQ deejays, she sux as a student, but she's really smart, and she showed Lenny and Spike how to cook up a gizmo that cancels all Friction within 200 meters.
No shit, she really did that.
And that's how Lenny + Spike's Zero-Friktion Thrill Park was born. So far it's got 3 really awesome rides, and no seatbelts or confinement bars or safety headgear or liability insurance. they sell cheap beer and peppermint and cherry schnapps, they don't ask for i.d., and whenever it's warmer than -322C, they have outdoor music concerts under the 4 or 5 moons of Hoon with some really bitchin rad phat acts.
Here's the rough sketch for their 4th ride.
2 or 3 or 4 or 5 teenagers shove themselves into a Sphere and get locked in. then Spike or Lenny gives the sphere a little nudge, and it rolls onto the track, and everything that happens after that is entirely a function of Gravity. (Hoon has Gravity, it's a Law there.)
But No Friction between the sphere and the track. AaaaaaahnDrayUh's gizmo nulls all the Friction. So that sucker can really pick up some Speed.
However, as you can see, the original design for a Straight Down Ramp track was REJECTED by the Hoon Thrill Ride Inspector. It was just too fucking slow.
Now AaaaaaahnDrayUh has to figure out a different kind of track that will be faster than a Straight Down Ramp.
In fact she has set herself the Challenge of designing a track which will get the Sphere from its starting point at P(0) to the subsequent point P(1) in the least possible time.
Maybe you're as smart as AaaaaahnDrayUh, or maybe smarter. And Lenny and Spike would really appreciate it if you could solve this PizzaQ, so they can get their new Thrill Ride approved by the Inspector.
They don't give away pizza, but if you can show age i.d. they're giving the winner 3 miniatures of fruit-flavored schnapps. That stuff kix ass!