Search This Blog

17 January 2008

bend over & spread 'em, Agence-Vleeptron Presse finally understands what contemporary journalism is really all about

Think carefully before clicking,
image will probably get bigger.

Okay, I give up. I've just been so wrong. I thought there were things more important than this.

Space exploration. The campaign to choose the next president of the United States. The War in Iraq. The brink of War in Iran. The Middle East. The economic recession. Internet censorship and repression of free political speech. The impending extinction of the polar bears. Israel's Separation Barrier and its 200 or 300 fission weapons. Advances in science, medicine and mathematics. Mozart, Glenn Gould, Kurt Weill.

I was wrong. I admit it. I surrender. And Agence-Vleeptron Presse sincerely apologizes for the years that have gone by without a single mention of Britney Spears. This has been a huge disservice -- a denial of service -- to our readers.

As everybody else in the entire media universe realized years ago, here's the only important thing going on in the world. Maybe if there's a little room and time left over today we'll post something more about something else. But Vleeptron is finally doing the only responsible journalistic thing it can do and devoting its time and space to Britney Spears.

Drop your drawers, bend over, spread your cheeks, Vleeptron will now insert the latest Britney news. You want lubrication with that ænema? You want Freedom Fries with that?

~ ~ ~

FoxNews.com (Murdoch)
Thursday 17 January 2008

Britney Spears:
Pregnancy Test 'for My Friend'


Britney Spears was shopping for a pregnancy test Tuesday, but it was "for her friend," she told TMZ.

Photos released by Spears' paparazzo-boyfriend Adnan Ghalib's photo agency, FinalPixx, and posted on People magazine's Web site show the pop star and Ghalib at a Studio City, Calif., Rite Aid store together, with Spears scanning the shelves of pregnancy tests.

Brit's pal Sam Lutfi told "Access Hollywood" the couple was "toying with the paparazzi" by posing for the pics.

"It’s all bull---. They’re just toying with the paparazzi," he said.

Sources also told PageSix.com that Spears is planning to sue photographer Dani Brubaker, who took family portraits of the star and her sons in November and recently sold the photos to OK! magazine for a reported fee of "one million dollars."

Spears is expected to claim that while Brubaker did not sign a confidentiality agreement and has the copyright to the images, there were numerous e-mails and text messages that explicitly state the pictures were never to be made public.

Though Brubaker has said she will donate the proceeds to a children's charity, there is no confirmation of this having taken place, Page Six reported.

The former princess of pop stirs up controversy wherever she goes lately.

On Wednesday, four paparazzi were arrested on charges of reckless driving while chasing Spears' car in the San Fernando Valley.

Los Angeles police Lt. Mario Munoz said officers observed several cars following a white Mercedes-Benz around 11:30 p.m. in Mission Hills.

The cars were following Spears' car too closely and traveling at unsafe speeds. They also made several unsafe lane changes, authorities said.

Munoz said officers stopped the Mercedes, interviewed Spears and released the 26-year-old pop star after verifying her driver's license.

But the four photographers in the cars chasing her were booked for investigation of reckless driving.

On Sunday, Spears grabbed dresses from the racks at the Betsey Johnson store at Westfield Fashion Square in Sherman Oaks and disappeared into a dressing room with Ghalib, Life and Style magazine reported.

Moments later, she came out completely naked.

"I was blown away. Britney's private parts were right in front of me!" a store employee told Life & Style. "I grabbed a dress to cover her, and she screamed, 'Get away from me! Don't you [bleep]ing come near me!' ... Then she disappeared in the dressing room with Adnan for 45 minutes. They were making weird noises. It was disgusting."

When Spears and Adnan emerged, "I couldn't understand a word she was saying. She was slurring and spitting and talking with a British accent," the employee said. "Her face was covered with cold sores and acne, and her scalp was patchy. I wanted to help her, but she was so mean that I left her alone. Then she muttered, '[bleep] you!' and left the store."

Spears is fighting to regain visitation rights to see her two sons with ex-husband Kevin Federline, Sean Preston, 2, and Jayden James, 1.

A Superior Court commissioner decided Monday to keep in effect an earlier order suspending Spears' right to visit her sons and keeping them in Federline's custody.

Another hearing was scheduled for Feb. 19.

The Associated Press contributed to this report.

- 30 -

Stories

o Court Nixes Britney Spears' Child Visitation Rights, Gives K-Fed Full Custody

o Report: Hospitalized Britney Spears May Lose Visitation; Federline in Court

8 comments:

Anonymous said...

yep, that is the way things work today in the press. instead of giving youinteresting, informative or critical news they feed you with irrelevant sugar-coated garbage that is utterly useless and drives your attantion away from the really important stuff. bob de Vleeptron has finally arrived in the 21st C, congratulations !

at least for our dearest mrs B help or some insight is at hand. tomment about masks and cartoon identitys is fairli interesting and applies to the image and marketinag (also via press) in her case
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TqJx67eJf58

Vleeptron Dude said...

You saw the Cronenburg movie "Videodrome" with James Woods and Debbie Harry? imho Cronenburg's best film, perfect marriage of popcorn, thrill, fear and Thought.

And essentially it's all about Marshal McLuhan -- in the film he's called Dr. Brian O'Blivion.

Of course the media is all about selling paper towels and hemmorhoid cream. It now has nothing to do with communicating important events or ideas. The top story is the story that will draw in the most viewers.

I guess it's one reason I continue to like the Beeb. At the beginning of World War 2, they negotiated an independence agreement with the Brit government so the BBC didn't just become a government war-effort propaganda mouthpiece. And then they stayed non-commercial. They're not selling anything. Of course they care about drawing in a large audience -- nobody likes to dance alone in the dark -- but they care MORE about what they think are truly important matters to communicate to people, and they care MORE about maintaining trust and confidence from their audience.

Compare the Murdoch Empire. If tomorrow I could PROVE that 88 percent of everything they broadcast are intentionally LIES ... would Fox care? Would Fox change a thing? Would Murdoch be embarrassed or ashamed?

It's all about the paper towels. "We got to move these / microwave ovens / We got to move these / color TVs ..."

Anonymous said...

Yep, i konw, Cronenberg was one of his students at the Uni of YYZ back in the 60s. McLuhan made a few very strong points, nowdays some of these points and insights have more importance than ever before. And incedently, without knowing you just quoted him more or less

i stopped watching TV about a year ago, i only read the local county paper and only listen to the BBC or their website. What else do you need ? endless tv ads only interrupted by an episode of Lost ? nah, not with me

the advantage of the media today is that you can filter and dont be bothered with crap about Britney.

Vleeptron Dude said...

I should have guessed there was a tight connection btw Cronenburg and McLuhan; of course they're both Torontonians or whatever the word is. I also love Crononburg's "Crash," about the underground cult of people who get sexual excitement from high-speed automobile chases and accidents.

It's just not very often that horror movie directors make horror movies about the ideas of Marshal McLuhan.

I always get the biggest charge out of this one. You have to hang in there till the very end, but Lo! It's The Man!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OpIYz8tfGjY

Anonymous said...

i am watching Marshall Mc Luhans Wake made by the canadian Film board as i write this. bloody good movie, get it if you can. irt has some cool things in it from MM that i have never heard before and you get Laurie Anderson as narrator. MM claims that the press mess we are in at the moment is our own fault, the fact that Britney and her escapades get more attention than say climate change, the war in iraq and other stuff. We shape the tools, and those tools shape us. information nowdays is instantly available, there are more gaps to fill, more ads to be sold, more viewers and readers need to be fed and make sure they dont touch that remote control. Back in the Goode Olde Days Long Gone your City Dest Editor would have given you a very loud sniff if you would have suggested a story like this one about BS, nowdays he would send you out whit a photograhper with lenses that could be used as a bloody telescope. But that the way it is, you and me as Man On the Ground in CH, we are so Old School compared to those young gits. But I like being Old School

(and another thing: because the pop music of today sucks, they have to do smething about the alleged protagonists and make sure that they are constantly in the media, and as the clip posted above some artists have clrarly understood that and put on a mssk or cartoon identity. they are not real, and so is this story)

Now, back to the movie !!

James J. Olson said...

I've largely stopped watching network news, or even the cable news channels, because they all have become purveyors of tabloid pop gossip. Nichole Smith, Britney Spears, Lindsey Lohan, Paris Hilton and the rest of these no-talent slatterns are clearly much more important to the producers of these news organisations than important things like the criminal activities of our President, the continuing and illegal wars in Iraq and Afghanistan, or any of a dozen other important crises happening around the world right now. New Orleans? Not so important...does anyone remember that there is still half the population gone from that city and huge swaths of it still lie in ruins? No, but I'll be lots more people know that the Natalee Holloway case has finally been closed.

I am constantly disgusted with what the 'news' offers, and what people want to watch. Its all 'bread-and-circuses' really. It saddens me. Britney Spears and these other 'celebutantes' are not worth our time, not worth reporting on, and certainly should not be glamourised. They are thoroughly without character or merit, and while as a pastor I might wish to reach out to them to help them get their lives together, I do not want to see them on the evening news.

Please, Bob, do not report on Britney any more or I will be forced to stop reading your 'blog as well.

Vleeptron Dude said...

Jim -- JUST KIDDING, guy! No more Britney stuff.

(Unless she does something REALLY strange ..............)

James J. Olson said...

Sorry. These horrible women manage to peg my rant-o-meter every time some stuffed shirt talking head on the news reports on them. What is even LESS interesting is what that quack and fraud Dr. Phil thinks about what is wrong with Britney, Lindsey or Paris, also a regular 'human interest' story.