Click whatever you can if you want.TOP: Amy, Mike and their Borg pals.
BOTTOM: My new Borg Implant and how it works.
9 Comments:
Jim Olson said...
Shall I recuse myself from this question as well, since I have made the decision myself to reject being assimilated?
Friday, 29 June, 2007
Jim Olson said...
Why doesn't the manufacturer of your new device like emails? Do you have to hand-crank your device to power it? Foolishness. Right there would be Reason No. 1 for not having this particular Borg implant.
Sort of like discovering that the Mayor of Boston forbids Voice Mail at city hall. Apparently Mayor Mennino couldn't figure out how to make his voice mail work ten years ago, so he simply banned it for all city offices. Yes, you either reach a Real Live Person when you call city hall, or your call doesn't get answered at all.
Google it, it is true.
Friday, 29 June, 2007
Vleeptron Dude said...
Not the manufacturer of the Implant, but my doctors and nurses insist on Fax.
My guess is, where medical information is concerned, they got used to Faxes, with their permanent hardcopy that they can file and refer to. And when the new e-mail culture arose, they were suspicious of its intangible and changeable nature. If a Fax says 44.2, then it stays 44.2 forever. But if an e-mail says 44.2 the first time, maybe you go back to it in a month and suddenly it says 61.3 . And it's not clear how or when or who changed it.
I think it's easier to get sued if you do your medical information with e-mails and computers than if you do your medical information with Fax and hardcopies.
Look at all the trouble Karl Rove is about to get into because of his easy-to-erase e-mails on his Republican National Committee crackberry account. There wouldn't be all this screaming from Congress if the same business had been conducted via Faxes and their hardcopies.
Mainly, my Eyes are on the Prize. And I won't say what the Prize is specifically in case ppl are still trying to Guess My Implant. But for the Prize, this fight between e-mails and Faxes doesn't really matter.
Friday, 29 June, 2007
Amy said...
Hmmm...so many things that could be!
At first when I read the post and you mentioned sticking something up the anterior wazoo...I turned to Mike and joked "IUD?"
Okay, all joking aside, that wasn't the first guess...first one (and probably the most obvious) was "pacemaker". That's not anything that goes in a wazoo though...and I seem to recall that my 91 year old grandmother's pacemaker doesn't have pretty lights going off or any sort of beeping noises. Then again, I only see her a couple times a year, and I'm not exactly paying attention to those sorts of things.
So...my next conclusion is...some sort of insulin pump? Beeping and buzzing and all that stuff? You can disconnect and reconnect?
And if it makes you feel any better...Mike and I have already been assimilated by the borg. For real! We can send pictures!
Friday, 29 June, 2007
Jim Olson said...
I don't know what this particular Borg Implant has to do with Barak Obama though...
Saturday, 30 June, 2007
Vleeptron Dude said...
Well, okay, the image ... I'm certainly not revealing National Security information by identifying her as Seven of Nine. So that's a HINT to start you down the path that soon and fairly directly will lead you to US Senator Barack Obama. Like I said, don't worry about embarrassing Senator Obama, the smarmy stuff has nothing to do with him.
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Amy! Hiya! You know ... the first Q you ever answered for me was Guess The Mystery Molecule, which you recognized as Insulin. (And I think I asked you to specialize in some bioscience which would hurry the hell up and cure my crummy diabetes.)
If Wal-Mart sold a Discount Plague manufactured by slave and prison laborers in the Third World, it would be diabetes. This disease just don't get no respect. But it's exploded in popularity over the last decade. EVERYBODY wants my disease!
Anyway, Dr. Madame, YOU ARE ABSOLUTELY CORRECT, it's a Medtronics Insulin Pump, and You Win More Pizza!!!
Beep. Beep. Excuse me, my pump is beeping at me, I have to obey its arcane software demands now. I have been Assimilated.
The Revolutionary Breakthrough of the Medtronics Insulin Pump, which will certainly win Medtronics the Nobel Prize in Medicine and Physiology, is that they managed to convince the Health Insurance Industry into covering it on health insurance plans. As I grok it, paying cash for one of these dinguses requires ponying up about U$3000 -- not counting the regular purchase of pricey new supplies.
The Business End of the pump is a plastic tube with a needle (canula) at the end that I *insert* (EEEK! EEEK!) under my skin (subcutaneous I think is the Proper Jargon Mumbo Jumbo), and it just stays in there for up to 3 days before I have to take it out and stick a new one in me somewhere else.
It drips Novolog (a fairly zippy and zingy industrial-source insulin) constantly 24/7 at a Basal Rate, and then every time I eat, or every time a blood test shows my blood glucose (in milligrams per deciliter) Too High, I can beg my implant for a momentary Bolus -- More Insulin, Please! Its software does the math to decide how big or small my Bolus should be. In case of any controversy, the Implant Software wins, I lose. It's like trying to talk an ATM out of more cash after the ATM says TRANSACTION DENIED HAVE A NICE DAY.
Whaddya want on youR Pizza, and how's your Aunt and her non-beeping pacemaker? Maybe we can get together at the Summer Borg Collective Convention.
P.S. No way am I wearing this gizmo to try to get through Homelamp Security at the airport. If ever there was something suspicious strapped to my body to make those dummies freak out, this is it.
Saturday, 30 June, 2007
Vleeptron Dude said...
PS Amy -- uhhh what's YOUR Borg Implants? Send pictures!
PPS ... Jim had Insider Trading Information about what my Borg Implant was, so he very ethically Recused Hisself from trying to grab the Pizza.
He has chosen to Just Say No to the Borg Pump. Medtronics may have to send their sales personnel (they're not shy!) to Abduct Him like they did Jean-Luc/Locutus.
Saturday, 30 June, 2007
Amy said...
Man that sounds like one complicated piece of machinery! I'd almost trust ME to stand around and take blood samples at determined intervals, do the math and inject ya myself...(*watches as Mike faints at sight of needles*)
Anyhow...I actually have no borg implants that are as spiffy as that. I once had braces as a kid...those were metallic, but I haven't had those for many years. I wear contact lenses that give me sight! Yay! Sorry to disappoint on the exotic nature of my implants :)
But I do have a picture:
http://www.amyandmikestone.com/amy/WeAreBorg.jpg
Well...in other news...I am currently in search of a new job, and I'm hoping for something to come up at a local company in town here that does things for the big pharmaceutical companies...maybe I'll find some insider secrets on how to cure the diabetes. Now if I could get my hands on some stem cells...that might do the trick too, but thanks to the stem-cells-are-aborted-fetuses-and-that-is-so-very-wrong believers, that might be hard to come by.
Sunday, 01 July, 2007
Vleeptron Dude said...
okay i'm gonna move this thread to a new post so I can show an image of my Borg Implant ...
Sunday, 01 July, 2007
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Okay well first, Vleeptron's very first image of Amy and Mike! What a lovely couple! What lovely-looking friends! The first and only Smiling Borg I ever saw! So maybe all the Bad Press the Borg gets around the Galaxy is just false gossip and misrepresentation. Maybe the Borg aren't so bad after all. Maybe they are Very Nice galactic neighbors.
Next we get to Amy's very kind offer to keep taking my blood tests and injecting me with insulin. Thanks!
But Here's the deal. The pump, when used halfway competently, really *is* a quantum improvement over injections.
After an injection, the insulin is absorbed into the bloodstream from the subcutaneous fat where you injected. But this absorption process produces a bad time curve (see crude graph avove) of insulin effectiveness -- Good Stuff (the green block) in the first 3 hours following the injection, after which a rapid decline in insulin effectiveness = blood glucose control. And it stays sucky (red block) until your next injection, at which time the uneven effectiveness/time curve starts all over again.
The pump on the other hand infuses the body with a constant rate drip of insulin, and so its effectiveness curve is much smoother.
And it's much easier to quickly adjust for high blood glucose (as determined by a finger-prick test) by dialing in a controlled bolus of more insulin. The pump software inputs the blood glucose reading (automatically via a wi-fi wireless link from the blood glucose monitor!) AND the anticipated intake of carbohydrates (a large meal is typically 70+ grams of carbs) as numeric inputs, and recommends a bolus of n units of Novolog, which is then pumped into the skin through the canula in about 10 seconds.
When it's done, it BEEPs. It BEEPs whenever it does or wants or demands or complains about ANYTHING.
Any questions from the Collective?
I'd be curious to know how hot a seller this machine is in Western industrial countries that have Single Payer Health Plans, and don't have to filter new medicines and technologies through private health insurance providers. Assuming that under Single Payer (government-paid) plans medical decisions are made more directly by physicians and medical specialists, do they think the pump is the Way To Go for standard treatment of insulin-dependent diabetics?
6 comments:
Q: Does it make a loud BEEP or just the BEEP like a digital wristwatch ? Can you sleep at night and has this BEEP become a part of your dream state ? Do you have a USB port and do you get reminded to get your free upgrades ? Have you already joned a forum or Newsgrup or mailing list with other affected members of the collective ?
NO ASSIMILATION WITH THE COLLECTIVE !!!! RESISTANCE IS POSSIBLE !!!!!
(Maybe I will get myself some contact lenses this summer. But I reckon they do not count)
Ooo Ooo! Another question in the same thread as patfromch's...
How big is this pump? Is it teeny tiny (like a watch?) or is it like a huge thing that you have to carry around in a wagon? I'd imagine that would limit mobility if it was that big, though. Do you have to buy bigger clothing to hide the bulge/fit over the thing?
Okay, that's it for now...the way my brain works, I'll probably have more questions later on today...maybe my own borg implant (in brain) is having issues connecting to the collective.
The Thing's software is designed like a train engine's "Dead Man's Throttle" -- it starts beeping if I haven't press any buttons for a pre-determined period of time. "Are you dead? What's the problem?" One of the first nights I had it, I didn't activate the Leave Me Alone While I Sleep function, and about 3 am it started Beeping and it woke up S.W.M.B.O. Now I press a button before I go to sleep.
There is a computer link so I can automatically upload all the pump's memorized Events (dates and times of blood sugars, requested meal boluses) to my doctor's computer. I just haven't mastered that spiffy stuff yet. No USB port.
Go here
http://www.minimed.com/products/insulinpumps/
to see what kind of Internet support they offer, FAQs, etc.
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The pump is exactly the size of a pager you wear on your belt. Dangle your shirt over your belt and nobody has to see it. The biggest worry is remembering to remove it from my belt when I drop my trousers. (I drop my trousers two or three times a day WHEEEEEEEEE!) If I haven't taken the pump off my belt, the falling pants will yank at the tubing and could yank the canula out of my skin.
Hasn't happened yet, and my nurse taught me to use a bandaid around a tubing loop on my tummy as extra strain relief, so a yank will just yank the bandaid loop, not the canula.
Oh i was naugthy and doctored the image of the pump above, made it higher, so it would fit the BORG IMPLANT text. In reality, it's really amazingly small and compact. The battery drives a micro-precise screw piston which forces insulin at a precise rate through the tubing and into moi.
It is indeed a Pump Law that I must only use a NEW Energizer (Bunny) AAA battery. If I were to remove the battery, and then try to re-install it, the Pump software would detect that I was trying to install a weaker battery, and refuse to continue.
But removing the battery is a very effective way to make the (*#&$A#(*$&( thing stop BEEPing.
Ok I must admit that some questions were a bit on the joking side ("Your doctors name is not Norton btw ?")
But I had a look at their website. Bloody looks like an advertising bruchure rather than giving out any relevant info. But you could get a USB cable if you want to.
i dont like the idea of uploading personal data to a server without knowing what will happen to it. According to what I know (I may be wrong) personal medical data has become very big bucks in the US. Medtronic, the company that mekes this device, amongst other thigs is the leading manufactorer in this sector with a cash flow of 7 billion last year alone, shares at the NYSE are currently at 52USD as I write this. They have over 30 000 emplyees, european HQ ís currently in CH. Do you, as they sing in the DK song, Trust your Mechanic ?
You sure you know what happens with your data ? You mind if it ends up in a research group where new drugs are being tested ? You mind if they sell your data to another company specialized in keeping records like this and selling them on for other purposes ? Am I getting slightly paranoid ? George O, PKD, good ol Marsh and Al Huxley would not be surprised
On the one hand, I hate the mo-fo medical corps and the mo-fo personal-info-resellers too. But on the other hand, I just don't quite understand why anyone cares if this info is kept personally secret or not, as long as it doesn't lead to more marketing phone calls when I'm trying to eat dinner (or any other time). Also the more serious abuse of like losing your job or not being hired because of your medical "condition." But why would anyone conceivably object to their "data" being part of a research program to improve insulin delivery to diabetics? Or for some other drug? Or whathaveyou? I realize this is me being solipsistic, because I've always had a very high threshold for what I wanted to keep personally private and never thought of medical issues as deserving (for me, at least) privacy. I just always figure, "who gives a rat's ass if someone knows I had surgery on my scrotum in 9th grade?" And then, of course, the fact that I dismissed legitimate concerns of abuse of said data for purposes of my rhetorical questions kind of undermines this as a real debate position. Ah well.
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