Search This Blog

14 July 2006

Now Playing @ the Vleeptron Drive-In!

We strongly advise clicking.
(Agence-Vleeptron Presse
full EM spectrum colour 4D
hologram by Lenny & Spike)

Hey hey hey hey hey! Vleeptron_Z is working swimmingly, the Zeta Beam is working again so I don't have to be stuck on that totally sucky, dangerous, psycho, violent, radioactive, hate-reeking Earth this week, it's summertime, and my absolute fave attraction, the Vleeptron Drive-In, is open again!!!

Everybody is driving his/her/its/qqr spacecraft into low Vleeptron orbit to park, see the finest and most extraordinary Cinema of the Melkweg and Dwingeloo-2 Galaxies, and also let's face it, it's a drive-in, so ppl are not always glued to the montage and the exposition and the anticlimax and the deconstruction and the subtext on the screen, but sometimes they're just necking their brains out and feeling each other up like crazy. HAVE YOU & A FRIEND EVER STEAMED UP THE WINDOWS OF A CAR? Leave A Comment. (If you didn't bring a friend and steamed up the windows of your car all by yourself -- by all means, LAC, Vleeptron_Z wants to hear about this.)


The Vleeptron Drive-In -- okay, okay, indulge me in a moment of Nationalistic Pride here -- was not an original Dwingeloo2nian idea. The Drive-In is a Creation of The United States of America, even though it is also now nearly extinct in the Land of its Birth. There's still one about 20 miles north of me, The Northfield Drive-In, it runs on weekends and the parking lot is still packed!

But throughout the Melkweg and both Dwingeloo Galaxies -- what's a better place to see a great movie in the Open Air (or hot sulfur vapour gas), eat nutritionally questionable but delicious food (including Hot Dogs, geboren Frankfurters) and suck face and use your six tentacles and 83 suckers to feel every square centimetre of one another's surfaces at the same time, 'cause you're 16 and can't
Get A Room like rude people like to yell at you. (There used to be, maybe still is, an artsy-fartsy expensive slick magazine called "Public Sex," certainly the only special-interest magazine I have ever encountered devoted to that particular special-interest.)

IT'S A DOUBLE FEATURE 2NITE!!!

First, for the kiddies, to exhaust them so hopefully they will fall asleep by the time the Adult Feature comes on, we have Walt Disney's animated 1941 feature "Dumbo," a heart-warming story about a circus baby elephant whose mother has been chained to a stake and sentenced to death for getting angry when drunks were threatening her baby. For the home viewers -- "Dumbo" was the first Ancient Disney movie to be re-issued in Modern Times to hose in $$$$$$ and cause lifelong Freudian trauma for a New Generation of children -- I recommend perhaps not showing it to any child younger than 33, and to make sure each viewer has a signed certificate of Rigorous Mental Hygiene from a state-licensed shrink of some kind. There is a theory among Child Psychiatric Professionals that "They're going to execute my mom!" stories can have negative consequences for children. I'm not sure if I buy this theory or not. Leave A Comment, particularly about your own childhood memories of seeing several old Disney flicks and soiling yourself and having to see psychiatrists or therapists for decades. "Old Yeller." "Bambi." Walt was ein sick puppy.

But it's a magnificent movie, one of the great achievements in film animation, from the days when the Disney Studios were packed with remarkable talent, usually old former movie stars and singers who desperately needed work and could be hired cheap and non-union.

But the Disney artists -- well, rent the DVD and watch it. This was Disney's Shining Moment, and it is unlikely such a moment will ever come again in commercial animation. Walt himself was an artist, and drew some kind of mouse character, and an incomprehensible duck, and a mute dog, and a talking dog. If you know the names of these obscure animated anthropomorphisms, please feel free to Leave A Comment.

CHECK OUT WHAT ELSE
WILL BE PLAYING
AT THE VLEEPTRON DRIVE-IN
THIS SUMMER!

We begin with a PizzaQ -- 1/2 of a large pie, with your choice of halvah or anchovies.

No Honour System, google your dupa off, use Voice-Over-Internet or your video cell phone to call Klaas in Rotterdam, we don't care. Ask your Mom. (If she knows, you have A Very Smart Mom.)

WHAT MOVIE are my Alien friends
and neighbors watching
on the screen above?

(HINT: Notice nobody's using the speakers, they're still hanging on their poles.)

What are the names of the actress and actor?

Who is the Director?

The Director was also a famous movie actor. To ballyhoo himself as an actor, what was this guy's motto or slogan?

What is the Literary Original this movie was adapted from? Who wrote it?

The man character on the screen: What's his Profession/Job/Career?

What city is this domestic violence taking place in?

=============================
and now the Vleeptron Drive-In
Schedule for the coming Week:
=============================

* Linguiça *

Special Short: "Bambi Meets Godzilla"

Kiddies Feature: "The 7th Voyage of Sinbad"
score by Bernard Herrmann
special effects: Ray Harryhausen

Adult Feature: "Wag the Dog"
screenplay: David Mamet
with Robert di Niro, Woody Harrelson,
Anne Heche, Dustin Hoffman

* Bratwurst & Wienerday *

No Children / Adults Only

Sam Peckinpah Fest

"The Wild Bunch"
Robert Ryan, William Holden, Warren Oates,
Ernest Borgnine, Edmund O'Brien, Jaime Sanchez,
Ben Johnson, Emilio Fernández

"Bring Me The Head of Alfredo Garcia"
Warren Oates, Isela Vega, Gig Young

"Major Dundee"

* Kielbasa *
Chick Flick Nite

"Belle de Jour" par Luis Buñuel
avec Catherine Deneuve

"The Russia House"
Sean Connery, Michelle Pfeiffer

"Badlands"
Sissy Spacek, Martin Sheen

* Andouille *

Kids' Feature:
"Adventures of Baron Munchausen"
by Terry Gilliam

Adult Feature: "Brazil"
by Terry Gilliam

* Bangerday *

Kids' Feature:
"The Thief of Baghdad"
Conrad Veidt, John Justin, Sabu, Rex Ingram

Adult Feature: "Night of the Hunter"
Robert Mitchum, Lillian Gish, Shelly Winters

Adult Feature:
"Babette's Feast / Babettes gaestebud"
Stephane Audran
from short story by Karen Blixen / Isak Dinesen

* Haggis *

RIPLEY NIGHT

"The American Friend / der Amerikanische Freund"
Wim Wenders / starring Dennis Hopper

"Ripley's Game"
John Malkovich

14 comments:

Abbas Halai said...

did you know that midnight cowboy was athe only x rated film to ever win an oscar?

some classic films mentioned here. the screen above looks like a mel brooks screen cap. possibly young frankenstein. though i'm pretty sure i'm fairly wrong so i won't bother delving into the other questions.

you should check out this disney work here.

anyway, you've named some pretty fun movies, sorry bad jargon, i meant films, not movies. terry gilliam is genius. everything he's ever done is genius.

Bob Merkin said...

hey, do you know Khurram of undernetpakistan IRL? Say hi to him for me!

yes, the movie on the screen looks like something from "Young Frankenstein," but that's because Brooks adores the ancient classic movies of his childhood, and his comedy images all trace back to ancient Holy Movies he saw in big dark theaters when he was 10.

And the one on my drive-in screen is regularly considered by the most uptown hi-tone Cahiers du Cinema deep thinkers as The Greatest Movie Ever Made. Even greater, many believe, than "Citizen Kane" and "Strange Brew."

So no halvah Pizza 4 u yet. Keep trying.

Excuse my blushes, but the owner of the Vleeptron Drive-in, Chchchchchchuuu, doesn't know shit from Shinola about movies, so he asked me to pick the summer schedule of the movies. Crappy wars and politics and the collapse of Earth's atmosphere have distracted me from posting about my fave movies up to now. So drive your big-ass Oldsmobile up to the Drive-In and enjoy my movies! I really think these are some of the greatest movies ever made, and if you can't hop the Zeta Beam, they're all available on DVDs.

The movie critic Pauline Kael said you can separate all "thinkers" by whether they use the word "movie" or "film" (ou "Cinema"). If people say they love movies, you can trust their instincts and their brains. People who teach and write about "film" -- this is the Forehead Tattoo of the Certified Moron.

pat's pub said...

well bloody well looks like a scene from Nosferatu, Symphonie des Grauens to me. Of course I could be wrong (I usually am when it comes to PizzaQ)
In any case, iffit aint Nosferatu, here is a link where you can download the whole movie for free (bacause it has no copyright)
http://www.archive.org/details/nosferatu

Abbas Halai said...

i'll definitely give your regards to khurram. what nick does he know you by?

Bob Merkin said...

tell him hi from the Vleeptron guy who filched his 1976 typewritten letter from Bill Gates. (Bill was mad people were using his software for their kit-built 8-bit home computers and Not Paying Him for it.) I'm clicking on his audio pronounciation aid to learn how to pronounce "Khurram," which he claims is an impossible feat for the English-speaking ear. But I'm a pretty good parrot.

Bob Merkin said...

okay okay Nosferatu is a pretty good guess ... aber nicht Pizza fur dich.

When I first visited Berlin my buddy U asked me what I wanted to see. First he raced me into the Alte Ost straight to Brecht's theater, and THAT WAS SO COOL! I got to see the corner table of the cafeteria where Brecht smoked his Habana seegars and held court.

But I wanted to see the old UFA Studios, but U said it's just a boring ordinary commercial TV production studio now, absolutely no museum or anything to recall its Wunderjaahr of Nosferatu and Metropolis, the days when UFA literally created the grammar of film.

Did you see "Shadow of the Vampire" (2000) with John Malkovich as Murnau and Willem Dafoe as Schreck? Pretty good! Tres creepy! Highly recommended! ****** 1/2

Okay a hint. Though my film is a Hollywood movie, herr Direktor ist deutschesgeboren. And his name is not Hollywood-sounding like Billy Wilder (a Vienna guy). This guy is equally famous as Schauspieler. (At least to my grandma.)

Which reminds me -- Braundauer's "Mephisto" was on my TV a few nights ago. Wonderful!

Bob Merkin said...

PS ... @ the Vleeptron Drive-In concession stand, the hot dogs are All-Beef (Hebrew National), equally acceptable for Halal and Kosher. Hebrew National used to have a TV ad that showed Uncle Sam holding a hot dog, but pointing straight up, and the ad voice said: "The US government says we can make our hot dogs out of pork. But we don't. We have to answer to a Higher Authority."

Abbas Halai said...

hmm fritz lang?

Abbas Halai said...

(the vienna gave it away. i love vienna, salzburg and klagenfurt) which means the film is either metropolis or kreimheld's revenge (which was rumoured to be hitler's favourite film of all time). most likely metropolis. the screenplay was written by thea von harbou and bastardized by channing pollock. should have realized it by the speakers hint. (only the most expensive silent film ever made). von harbour was lang's second wife and inspiration for most of his work. his first wife committed suicide knowing that lang was having an affair.

Bob Merkin said...

These are great guesses, but the hint says the movie is a gen-u-wine Hollywood movie.

During the Silent Era, no Euro movies were ever shown in the USA, but Hollywood execs were all over Europe to sell their epics to Euro audiences.

And they saw the amazing movies that the UFA/German directors were creating. They bribed and practically kidnapped the cream of the UFA directors to come to Hollywood. Lang and Wilder are typical of this Euro-to-Hollywood migration. By the mid-1920s, the entire look and spirit of big Hollywood movies was wonderfully transformed; the Mitteleuropean direktors taught Hollywood how to grow up, mature, be subtle, emotionally gripping.

To this day there's an instruction called MOS in movie screenplays: Mit Out Sound. (Shoot a scene without recording any sound, it will be added later.)

The PizzaQ image is considered one of the greatest directors who ever lived, and this was his masterpiece -- brutally butchered and shrunk by the studio on release, but in recent years very lovingly restored to something closely resembling the director's original.

And the other hint -- in Hollywood, he was equally famous as an actor.

Bob Merkin said...

the urban legend i've heard is that Hitler's favorite movie, he got a print smuggled in and watched it obsessively, was Disney's "Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs."

I love her name auf deutsches: Schneewittchen.

pat's pub said...

Erich von Stroheim ? Ernst Lubitsch ? or is this scene from Dr Caligari ? Aber es ist ein stummfilm, oder ?

Bob Merkin said...

[sound of alarm bell ding ding ding!]

ERICH VON STROHEIM ist korrekt!

now what is the Movie on the screen, and the other questions?

Cahiers du Vleeptron will scare up a foto of Stroheim (the "von" was his own invention -- who checks on such things in Hollywood if the guy is wearing a monocle?) as the famous silent Schauspieler.

pat's pub said...

ah bloody hell, I thought you meant a horror movie that had been made in the 20s or 30s. The movie you mean was made in 1946. Crikey. And the city where the film is playing is not that far away from me. They have good mustard there (works espacially well with Bratwurst)
oh btw thanks for turning me on to "Shadow of the Vampire) . Saw about 15 minutes of it and will continue after this post. Good idea, good actors, aber der Akzent ist eine Katastrophe and spoils it a bit for me